am i little hurt :(

  • hi am new here.  i am tewenty two weeks pregant and we are having a son.  a couple of days ago my husband and i were talking about the delivery of our baby.  he was in the delivery room with our daughter.  but now his is telling me he does not want to even be in the delivery room woth our son nj  i know its his choice but i feel sort of hurt.  with our daugther we had way tooo many people in the room.  we had my mom and sister my father, my husband, lots of doctors and medwive, and intrens.  so this time i wanted just him and me and he doesnlt want to go.  how do i cope with this??? 

  • Sorry to hear that.. I can imagine that would be hurtful. I did not give my fiance a choice.. He helped me make our daughter and he sure as hell was going to be there supporting me while i had to go through childbirth.... so he HAD to be in the room, he however did not have to watch the birth. did your husband give you a reason as to why he didn't want to be in there? I have to respect his feelings if he doesn't want to be in there, but i'm kind of feeling like he's in the wrong for not being there to support you and be with the baby when he arrives.

  • I understand how hurt you are...but start by talking to him and trying to find out WHY he doesn't want to be there. Does he not like the "blood etc"? Does he not like the "chaos"? If it is the gross stuff, then you can ask the nurses to put a sheet or a curtain up so he doesn't see this. Then tell him why you want him there...let him know that labor is a scary time for new moms and it helps to have him next to you holding your hand. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  • I think Brinny is on the right track so far as doing a bit more investigating so far as why he is hesitant to be in the room.  Perhaps like you said-there were so many people before that he felt lost as well.  I think that it's really important that you talk with him about his feelings.  Let us know if you need more support around this, and how things are going.

    Sending gentle hugs your way,

    Jess

  • I'm sorry to hear that your husband feels that way - it sounds like a hurtful situation. What reasons has your husband given for why he doesn't want to be in the room? Perhaps if you can work through any anxieties he has, he would feel differently. Have you told him how important it is to you that he is present? Write back - hopefully we can help a bit. 

  • just that he did want to be there.  i was so huurt and toooken back because this is his son.  and for him to not want to be there to see or cut the cord really hurts and so now am super sad.  

  • Have you tried talking to him yet about why it is important to you that he be in the delivery room? And if he still remains persistent about not being in the room do you have someone else who could be there to support you, cheer you on, share the joy, take photos, cut the cord, ect...? I'm so sad at the thought of you delivering your son alone just because he doesn't want to be in there. it doesn't really sound like a good enough reason to me.

  • ok so we talked alittle bit together and i think we are on the same page now .  he will go now that i told him i just want him and me in the room and all he has to d is stand by my head and just take the first pic and cut the cord.  he has agree that if he feels to over whemld he can step out for a bit.  i have no problem with it and that i just need his support.  

  • I am SO PROUD of you for talking to him.  That is hard to do, but it sounds like you did a great job of sharing your feelings and what you need.  That is awesome.  One additional thought I have is to give the RNs a heads up that dad might get a bit overwhelmed  so that they can offer him some support and help meet your goal as parents of having him there.  Our nurses are trained in "Family centered care", which means that they are trained to look at the entire family unit-mom, dad and baby as their patient.  They also help families through labor everyday so I'm betting they have some good tactics and helpful words in these situations.  I am sure that this is not a unique thing and they have seen it many times before.  

    Keep up the open communication, again really impressed with you!  What a good mamma you are! :)

    -Jess

  • That is so awesome!! I'm glad you have been able to work it out.

     

  • thank you ladys for all the advise and good strong words of encouragement it realy means alot.  and am glad i could talk to my husband we have always been good at that but i think this topic just sacrys him as much as me because there is so much that can go wrong this time.  but it one day at a time with my family and that is all i could ever ask for.  again thank you all 

  • You are so brave to be doing this in the first place, and definitely strong enough to take whatever comes, but it is nice to have supportive people around you. My husband faints at the sight of blood, can't stand seeing me in pain, and was really nervous about natural delivery, but he did an awesome job! One of the most important things we did was giving him a really important - blood free - job. He put cold cloths on my forehead and we prepared some things for him to say to cheer me on as well as having him do the counting. It helped that both of us were busy and he knew just what to do in order to be my hero. Best of luck!

  • I am glad that you were able to talk to him about it and that you came to a mutual agreement. I think that the whole process can be scary for a lot of men because they realize how much they are NOT in control of. You could be hurt, the baby could be hurt...and there is nothing they can do. This can be an uncomfortable feeling for them, but in all reality..being outside in the waiting room would be worse! I am glad he is going with you:)

  • Congrats and I am glad this was resolved. I have been in the delivery room with my wife for all three babies, and I can't imagine being anywhere else. I also feel like he would have regretted not being there if you didn't make it clear how important it is to you. Strongmoms to the rescue again! Best of luck!

  • To echo everyone else, good job and I'm glad for you. I highly doubt he will regret staying in the room but he might regret not being there. So glad you will get the support you need. :-)