i just found out, now how do i tell my husband

  • I just found out that i 14 weeks pregnant. My husband is 12 years older than me and said being over 45 he didnt want anymore children, but at the same time he sees a baby and said dont you want another one, i always thought he was joking and i used to say no. My husband just recently retired from the military and got a job offer and he began working a month ago the bad news is that it is 3 hours away, i still have my job and i wanted my 12 year old son to finish school before we moved, now the hard part, how do i tell my husband im pregnant when he is 3 hours away and not expecting the news. Any ideas.
  • Kam-

    It sounds like you have thought about this quite a bit.  Do you think it's best to tell him in person, or to tell him on the phone?  That might be the first decision to make.  I think it's important to remember that evening though you get to share the news with him-you are not in this alone.  It also sounds like he has a soft heart when it comes to the idea of another baby.  Once you decide when to tell him i think it's just important to be honest.  There is so much within relationships that gets funny bc of poor communication.  I think it's easy to make assumptions without checking them out with the other person, and it's easy to create fears that do not need to be there based on assumptions. I know that honesty is hard, but open yourself up to talking to him and to being honest with him.  I know it is hard, but you are bound to feel so much better once you get this out into the open.  Please keep us posted on how things are going.  Take care,  Jess

  • Any chance you can meet up and talk? I'd try to do it face to face. If you can't, maybe you can come up with a creative way to do it via Skype. I guess I'd just be honest and tell him that you are just as surprised as he is and that you will deal with it together. Maybe give him time to get over the shock of it all...I bet he'll come around to your pregnancy and be excited about it. Good luck!

  • I agree...if you can meet up or plan a weekend together then please do so. If you are not sure of how he will feel about the news, then it may be nice to be together so you can discuss your fears and reassure each other. Chances are...he will be excited and it is nice to see that in person. Sometimes the phone does not convey a person's true emotions. I think that you should go up there and see him to tell him the good news. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

  • Kam - 

    Were you able to tell him? I hope all is well - hang in there!

  • Not, yet I tried to last weekend but there was not a good time, he is coming hone tonight and took 4 days off work and will be coming home so I will have support from my friends who I gave finally told, I am just really anxious on how he will react. I will keep you posted, thank you for thinking of me

  • You could wait until he gets home to tell him. It might be better than a phone call. I remember when I got pregnant with my son I was super nervous. My fiance knew I had missed my period, but I was too nervous to actually take a test around him, so I ended up taking it when he left for work and I text him. Everyone does it differently, it just depends on the person. With my current pregnancy I told him in person in the car when he picked my up from class.

  • Hang in there and keep us posted!  Take care,

    Jess

  • Thinking of you! Hang in there and let us know how it goes. Hopefully the anticipation of it all is worse than the actual reaction. 

  • Well I finally told him. We had a bbq with some friends, and one of my friends thought she was expecting to she bought a cake so we could tell our husband together, however she ended up not being pregnant so after everyone left I told my husband the story, well lets just say he didn't believe me, he said how did that happen he said he is to old then said that I must be joking, he still dissent believe me, I have a Dr. appt tomorrow I am gong to see if he will come, so this can be a reality for him.we will see how it goes, but at least I broke the ice 

  • Well, hopefully he will see/hear the little heartbeat and that will be quite real to him! Sounds like he is surprised and a bit shocked but that's to be expected...I'll be thinking of you and hoping he can wrap his head around it all and get excited with you. I have worked with several sets of older parents in my time as a nurse who said they were totally shocked, even sad and upset when they found out about their surprise pregnancy. They said (after baby was born) that they can't imagine life without their new little one and that it turned out to be a tremendous blessing. I know this little baby will be great things to your family! Keep us up to speed! 

  • I hope he went with you to your doctor visit...how did it go? Thinking of you!

  • He did come with me to the appointment, and told the doctor he couldn't believe it. The doctor decided to do a sonogram for him to show him. I was told that due to my age I would have to see a high risk OB. I didn't think that 34 was considered "old". Anyway before we got off the elevator he was already on the phone to his mom to tell her the news, it took me till the end of the week to tell my parents and son. My husband seems somewhat excited he is already picking out names. He wants a girl and so does Mt son I guess we will hopefully see at my next appointment in a few weeks.

  • Well, how fabulous! It sounds like he is embracing this pregnancy after having the ultrasound and everything! I'm happy for you and hoping this is the beginning of a great adventure for all of you guys. :-) Congrats!!

  • I would say drive up and surprise him(with a visit). I know it will be hard, and you'll be waiting for "the right time", but there wont be one. I'd say tell him when your little one is asleep. He might react badly at first, but if he really loves you he'll be excited to start this chapter with you. If i'm ready right you guys don't have one together. He probably secretly wants a baby with you. I don't know men are weird, i'm sure he'll be happy. What can he really expect when you're that much younger than him.

    Hope it goes well!