mommy with 2 problems...

  • hi ladies,

    this pregnancy was not planned or even expected to happen, we took all percautions not to get pregnant  because of the risks but god does what he feels is right ...i have two problems i would like a little advice about if anyone is will to lend a few helpful words to a stranger in need...

    the first is, i have been pregnant 9 time (including this one), i have only been able to carry 3 to full term. i found out in march that i was pregnant , i am now 13 weeks and everything is actually going great this time around but here is the problem, i haven't told anyone in my family but daddy...im afriad of loosing another one and hurting my children and family if i loose this one...the last one i lost was at 5 months and it crushed a few family members...should i tell them or wait untill i am about 5 or 6 months along???

    my second problems is...should i find out the babies sex or let it be a surprise? i have 2 girls and 1 boy and he has 3 boys...

    thank you 

  • A blessing in disguise i suppose... Well with your history of miscarriage i would certainly wait until you have test results on how healthy the pregnancy is. At that point i would then tell the family, but let them know that you are hopeful that this pregnancy will go full term, but not to become too attached until you have reached whatever point you feel puts you out of the woods so to speak. I can not even imagine the pain you have gone through with loosing baby after baby, but maybe this one is meant to be considering all the precautions you took to keep you from becoming pregnant. As far as finding out the sex is concerned i think it is exciting to find out and it gives you a something positive to look forward to. I can also see how knowing the baby is a boy or girl may cause you to become more attached and if you loose the baby that may make it even more painful. If it were me i would not find out. Mainly because i think it would be incredibly exciting to find out at the birth. Anyhow I wish you the best and don't be shy if you need some support or just need to vent about something. there is always someone here to lend an ear or helping hand.

  • First, I'm sorry you have had so many miscarriages. I've only had one and I know how upsetting it is. Secondly, I think the average time to tell family about being pregnant is 13 weeks. The rate of miscarrying goes down to like 1%. You could always wait till after the 20 week ultrasound when you know things are "ok" with the baby. I wouldn't worry about upsetting your family if you did lose this baby. They should be there for You for support no matter what.  I can understand your kids being hurt since they don't understand why mommies miscarry. You will find the best way to explain to them if it does happen. But think positive!  

    Lastly, since you already have a boy and 2 girls I would not find out the sex personally. I think it would be fun to find out the day of. 

    Also since you have had so many miscarriages,  do you see a high risk dr? You may be able to have frequent u/s to ensure baby is okay. 

    Goodluck with everything! Thoughts and prayers for you.  

  • Congrats on this little one. :-) You certainly have my prayers for a healthy and full term pregnancy. My philosophy with family members was that I needed their love and support no matter what happened. If I lost my baby, they were going to know anyway because of how sad I'd be and if I was able to keep it, then they would be able to share my joy. Just my thoughts. :-) Also, it would be super fun to keep it all a surprise! It would really give some added excitement and mystery to this pregnancy to find out when baby is born if it's a boy or girl. Good luck!!

  • It is only natural to be a little nervous about telling people, but I think that you should let those closest to you know that you are having a baby. If you do end up losing the baby, then you will need the support of those closest to you. I would celebrate this new life inside of you and not let your past hurts cloud this happy occasion. As far as finding out what sex the baby is, I have done both and either way is really fun. Good luck!

  • first I would like to say thank you to everyone for their advice...it does help a lot...yes I am seeing a specialist for this pregnancy... the doc has been doing ultrasounds every week up until this now and so far like I said everything is going great...I think I am going to what to find out the sex of baby so it will be a surprise for everyone, unless I get to exited and just have to know ...thank you all so much again...

  • It is up to you if you want to find out the sex or not of the baby. I, myself, love finding out. That way I know what to expect. Also, congrats on your pregnancy. I hope it continues to go well for you. Perhaps you should wait until you are 24 weeks along, I hear that once you are that far along the baby can survive birth if born early. You should talk to your doctor about it though. Maybe you could get refereed to a therapist to talk about things if you need to.

  • So glad things are going okay so far - will continue to keep you in my thoughts. Keep us up to speed on how things are going for you. 

  • Most likely having that many miscarries you are high risk. I'm pretty sure being high risk you visit the dr more often. I'd speak with the dr and ask if there are any bad signs or possible problematic signs. If it makes you feel better you can wait until you start to show, and even then wear baggy clothes. I'm sure your family would understand knowing the circumstances.

    Knowing the sex is completely up to you! Did you find out with the others? Does it matter? It might be exciting waiting. You can always get neutral items if you do decide to not find out. You can always have a name picked out for both genders and find out when it's time.

  • sunflowermoma-

    It's been a few weeks since you last posted so I wanted to check in with you about how things are going.  It sounds like you have been through so much.  Let us know how you are doing!

    -Jess

  • I understand your situation sunflowermoma. Hope everything is turns okay now. I too experience that one on my 1st pregnancy  I got miscarriage its so hard for me to recover. It took me almost 3 years to get pregnant again. Me and my husband before decided to keep on our own until it reaches 5 months to be safe. And fortunately, we made it. And now we have a very loving, beautiful, talented and sweet little girl. 

  • hello ladies,

    sorry its been a while, its been a crazy summer already...thank you to everyone for the thoughts and prayers for my little one on the way...the latest up date I can give everyone is...so far everything is going good...the last doc appt. went well so the doc decided to have me start coming in once a month instead of every week like we were doing...I go to the doc in a few days for another check up so I am keeping my fingers crossed...I think to hardest part is not knowing if the movement I feel is gas bubbles or if its the baby moving around...so thank you to everyone again and I will make sure to keep you updated...thoughts and prayers from my family to all of you out there....

  • That's great news! I hope everything stays on the right tack! : D

    I'd think it's a good sign if the dr. thinks you're doing well enough to switch from every week to once a month (:

  • hello agian...

    went to the doc today and its all smiles still...doc says everything is looking great...next appt. is july 24th ( i think,i will have to double check ) and we are going to messure all of babies parts and possibly find out the sex...not sure about that yet...

    i did want to share that my oldest daughter does know now by accident but she is a very happy big sister, she would like another sister so she can dress her up since her sister dont like dresses and she thinks its getting wierd dressing her 6 year old brother up in girls cloths...

    thanks agian to evreyone, thoughts and prayers go out from my family to yours...

     

  • GLAD TO HEAR! Hope everything keeps on the right path (: