Too sensitive or not?

  • Hi All, I am new to here, good to hear/read all the discussions here from moms. I am on my 7th week now (found out on week 4), first time mom. it's still very early, but super excited, can't wait till the end of my 1st trimester, so I can share my excitement with family and friends. But here is the question: I bought books and read articles, etc about pregnancy to prep myself. I also got my husband a book for expectant father (from how to handle pregnancy to new born baby). He told me he was very happy and excited when he knew we were pregnant, but the book I got for him, he just put it away and he told me he will read it, it's just because he doesn't have the time to do so yet. To me, that's kinda a BS, since he has time to watch TV and play games. However, he's been a very good husband, helped a lot around the house. But for him to just put the book away made me feel like he doesn't care about the pregnancy. I am not sure if it's just me being too sensitive about this whole instance. Any thoughts? Please help.

  • Well first of all Congrats!!! and secondly you may be just a bit to sensitive adn taking things the wong way. That is not to say your feelings aren't valid so definitely bring them up. I have noticed a common trend among new expectant mothers and they are VERY hard on the new expecnant fathers as if they don't have their own feelings and fears. I think the best thing for you to do right now let him know how him putting the book away made you feel so he can reassure you that he is happy about he baby. Then give him some space to figure this whole "I'm going to be a dad thing" out. Remember Even though the baby will be in you and you are going to be the one who is physically changing. he is also going to be a dad and responsible for a human being financially, emotionally, Ect.. so when you are getting to your whitts end remember he is dealing with his own things and give hime a break.

  • congrats!!!! that is great to hear that you are pregnant and i bet you are just bursting not being able to tell everyone?  my advice about the book-he may just be nervous.  Excited i'm sure, but nervous at the same time.  some people will just push it off as to not to think directly about all of the specifics.  that may sound funny/weird to you but i think that was the case with my experience.  But, my husband was more experienced than i was, so he didn't "need" books.  But a book may make it real to your.  And just like you are waiting until you are further along to tell people, maybe he is just waiting until he can really "be excited" also?  Guys and some people handle their emotions differently so don't take it too hard that he isn't jumping off the walls.  i'm sure he is on the inside.  Yes he is playing his games and that could be just how he handles stress.  he is trying not to think about the bad stuff that could happen.  Pregnancy/labor and the after is alot for a man to see the love of his life go through.  (Again, speaking from my experience only.)  Make sure to talk to him about it if you are concerned.  A stressed mommy is not good.  One thing i will tell you is to make sure you do what you need to do.  if you are thinking about something or if something is bothering you, let your partner know. That is why he is there-for you!!  so let him be there for you and listen to how he is making you crazy :)  But just try to go easy on him right now.  just focus on that beautiful little miracle you have!! congrats again little momma!!! 

  • Men and women handle life changing situations a lot differently. Women like to read and immerse themselves in it and a lot of men prefer to have space to truly absorb the information. He may be a bit overwhelmed and worried about how he will provide for the baby etc...give him the space he needs to learn to be a father in the way he needs to learn. Not everyone learns the same way and some men don't truly become dads until they hold their babies for the first time. 

  • When I learned I was becoming a father, I was very excited but I also was very worried. I never felt marriage was a very big life change for me, but becoming a Dad changed my life in many ways. Between the time we conceived and the birth of our first, I was very worried about my independence and being able to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Those selfish thoughts are perfectly fine when it's only you, but once baby arrives, it's obviously going to change. Maybe your husband realizes he may not always have the time to simply watch TV or play video games as often as he can now. As your pregnancy progresses, make him understand how important it is to you for him to be involved. He sounds like a good man and he will likely come around as your travel this wonderful journey together. Congratulations!

  • Thank you for all of your responses. All of you definitely make me feel much better :-). I think what i needed was a place where I can share my thoughts and hear others opinions - I think here is the great place to do that.

  • Thank you all, this definitely make me feel much better :)

  • Just to echo every one else- congrats on your little one! Just a thought -  does your husband do lots of reading in general? My husband is super involved, loving, and attentive. He, however, really doesn't read much. He never did read some of the books I got - it's just not how he likes to learn information! We borrowed a DVD about labor and he watched that with me toward the end of my pregnancy and we talked about the information I'd read in the books. It all worked out in the end. Hope all goes well for you! So glad you are joining us here! 

  • Congrats on your new baby! I think it's a normal feeling. Some people just need some reminding. Try talking to him about how it makes you feel.

  • Wanted to say congrats and check in with you to see how things are going.  Did you talk to your husband?  How are you holding up?

    -Jess

  • Yes, how are you doing? How is your pregnancy going? Glad we could help in some way!

  • Congratulations! Exciting times! I did not take the time to read all the replies, so forgive me if what I say is redundant. I think you may be being a little too sensitive. Another commenter replied that everyone has their different way of learning, and men certainly do. Women are more apt to become well educated on this new life change, whereas some men are on the job learners. Your husband could be relying on you to absorb all the information and share with him what you've learned, instead of him taking the time to read the same exact thing you read. It may be better that way since you can tell him what you've learned and you both can discuss it at the same time. No need in both of you feeling overwhelmed at the same time, you can each help each other. You help him to grasp all the new information you're learning, and he can help you in not overwhelming yourself too much... may create a good balance. Hope that helps!

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    Getting into the 3rd month, and have a doc visit in two weeks. I am very excited, hope I can see the baby. Haven’t talked to my husband about the book instance yet. I will give him some space for now. I am a bit preoccupied with nausea now a day and my husband has been very attentive to me and make random comments sometimes about the baby that make me feel he cares. Like the other day, he saw me dropped an almond, I picked it up from the floor and said “three seconds rule” and was about to pop it into my mouth, he immediately took that almond away from me and said “not for the baby”, then he ate it and asked me to eat another one. I didn’t expect that action from him, which made me feel pretty good that he cares. Thanks all for the advices.

  • THAT'S a pretty cute story. :-p I love it!! I can tell he really does care and is certainly thinking of the baby all the time. He sounds like a keeper. :-) Sorry to hear about the nausea...I really hated that part of pregnancy. Usually as you head into the second trimester, the nausea lessens. Hugs!