confused nervous first time mom

  • I am a first time mom and am young my boyfriend and I were not expecting to have a baby yet, but we are very happy. at the same time I am very nervous I have seen that other people are also worried about being a good mom that is one of my biggest concerns. My mom and I have never been close I have never felt that I can talk to her I worry that will be the same way with my kid. I do know I am having a boy if any one has any suggestions that would be great.

    Also I am worried about giving birth I am a very tiny person with lots of health issues, and I do not know what I should do for the pain. My boyfriend and I have discussed having as natural of a birth as possible, but I worry without some sort of pain medication I will not be able to handle it. Once again any suggestion would be great

  • I will tell you that it is 100% natural to worry about being a good mom or parent for that matter. It's a sure sign that you care and you want what's best for your baby. It's hard to tell someone how to be a good mom, it just sort of comes. When the baby is born you won't always know what to do or how to go about what you think you need to do, but caring is a great first step. There are so many resources available to help you when you need it. Your doctor is always a great person to ask for advice, your own parents, grandparents, friends, all of the parents here on strong moms... We do our best to give sound advice that will make it past the moderators. As far as your relationship with your own mom (I don't know the details) it's hard to say. There's no time like the present to try striking a good relationship.... Now for labor and delivery. Keep an open mind, trust your body and trust the nurses and doctors. If they tell you something it's because they believe it to be in your best interest. If you want to try a natural birth that's awesome, but be aware of how you feel and how much further you have to go. It is EXHAUSTING pushing that baby out and if your pain is keeping you from rest then it's best to have a plan B. Your nurses will help you with making the best decision to meet your needs. I hope this has helped you feel a little better.. What you are experiencing is completely normal.

  • I think that it's very normal to be a bit nervous as a new mom. This is something you have never done before, and it sounds like you are very determined to do a great job-so of coarse you are nervous.  I can offer that I have a lot of patients that are raised by teen moms (you just said you were young, so not sure if you are in your teens or older) and they do a terrific job!  

    So far as the birth process i think it would be a good idea to look at all the options and to ask as many questions as you can.  You've come to the right place to get started with your education/and decision making.

    Welcome to strongmoms!

    -Jess

  • Congrats on your little boy. :-) I think one of the biggest things that kids need is lots of love, attention, and good boundaries at the same time. Kids often feel secure if they know what is expected of them, what is okay and what is not okay, and that their mother/father loves them no matter what. You will be a great mom just because you are already thinking about how to parent your child. Ask people who have great relationships with their kids what their secrets are and spend time with other mothers. 

    As far as the birth goes, make sure you discuss your concerns with your OB. They will help guide you through labor, as well as the nurses who assist you. There is no shame in needing some pain control but many mothers are surprised by how well they can cope with labor. A labor and delivery class at the hospital you deliver at can be very helpful too. Congrats again! :-) 

  • Well in my experience, the fact that you are already worrying about being a good mom tells me that you probably will be a good one! It is normal for you to feel overwhelmed and a bit nervous about everything going on, so hang in there. Try to surround yourself with lots of support from friends and family and keep your obgyn informed of how you are doing. There may also be support groups and new mother groups in your area that you could join. These are always fun! Good luck 

  • Thank you that is all very helpful at least with the nerves

  • Thank you for your help I do plan on attending a labor delivery class once I get settled into my new place my boyfriend and I are moving to his home town I think attending a class will help ease my nerves. I have herd yoga is a good start during pregnancy and I have been trying to do that now that I do not have morning sickness all the time. Do you know anything about that?

  • Thank You that makes me feel a little better I am 20 so I am not a teen but not much out of the teens either. The fact that everyone says that i because I am nervous about being a good new mom means I will be makes me feel better. could you by any chance help me get started on my research on the birthing process and all the options

  • I haven't personally done yoga myself while pregnant but I know a ton of people who swear by it! It's supposed to be really good for keeping up your muscle strength, helping to stretch out tight muscles, and usually the more you keep in shape while pregnant, the more beneficial it is to your labor. When you move to your new place, I'd search online for "prenatal yoga classes" in your hometown. You will hopefully find some good listings. You could also check out the local community centers. Good luck!

  • I love PediNurseJulie1's Yoga suggestion!  Yoga has been shown to help many things.  I think we all need ways to connect with our bodies, have peace and calm in our minds (for a few minutes at least) and connect with others.  I also think looking into community education and or support in your new community.  Any way to meet other soon to be moms would be great.

    -Jess