Husband Blues...

  • HI Everyone! This is my first day and post on the site!  I want to say hello and hope to become part of your community.  My post may be kind of weird but please let me know what you all think. 

    I am in my 7th week of pregnancy (yes, I found out very early b/c we have been trying for a while and I was too in tune with my body) and I suffer from morning sickness from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep.  I am miserable.  I have been very mean to my husband and it is affecting him a lot. We are to the point that we argue a lot and he stays away from me and I stay away from him. I told him that I want to make him as miserable as I am.  He thinks I am cruel, mean, unrealistic and evil for wanting him to feel that way.  How can I suck up these harmful feelings I have and try to turn this experience more positive for the both of us?

  • Indigo-

    First of all welcome to strongmoms.  I'm so glad that you found the site! :)  

    Do you think that the problem has to due with your morning sickness?  If so i vote for seeing your doctor and getting some medications and other ideas on how to best treat the nausea and other symptoms! There is safe and effective medications for morning sickness that may be worth a try.  There are also some natural things, like ginger tea, ginger aile and candy that can help with nausea.  I'm sure many of our other parents can speak to this as well.

    Let us know how things are going,

    Jess

  • Indigochild - 

    First off - congrats on your pregnancy! Sounds like this was a much wanted baby! On the other hand, having experience horrible morning sickness myself, I totally understand that this was NOT what you envisioned with regards to pregnancy! If you are feeling so sick that you can't even keep food/water down, you may want to consider talking to your doctor. I ended up having to take medication for my morning sickness and it really saved the whole experience of pregnancy. I felt MUCH better. That being said, I'm sure you've probably tried all the natural remedies for morning sickness. Have any helped? 

    With regards to your husband, whenever I've been hard to deal with, it ends up with me having to go to him with a humble heart (which is really hard sometimes!!)  and apologize. Perhaps you can share with him that your hormones are making you feel crazy and your morning sickness is making you miserable. Tell him that you are sorry for being so mean to him but it's hard not having anyone who really knows how you feel and that maybe why you said what you did is because you felt like if someone could share it with you, it might help. That being said, finding ways to cope with the difficulties of pregnancy will be important! Coming on here to vent is always good, scheduling some prenatal massages, getting on a regular walking schedule, perhaps some prenatal yoga or just meditation/praying, having some friends who you can call and vent to when you feel like being mean to your husband, etc. All those things could help you cope better and not take things out on him. I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from and I hope things get a little better for you. The first trimester is often the worst in terms of exhaustion and nausea - it usually goes uphill from there!! Hugs to you. 

  • Hello, hope this message finds you feeling somewhat better. I am a mother of 3, which baby #3 is only 3 weeks old......for some odd reason i suffered majorly with morning sickness with this one. I can totally relate to the anger towards ur spouse, I felt the same way. I almost while reading your post felt like i myself had wrote it. Good news is we made it through it and i feel sure uall will too! I did during my first trimester end up in the hospital for the sickness and was provided with some excellent nausea medicine that worked miracles and wasnt harmful to my precious baby. I would definately ask my healthcare provider for some medication, I also found that wintergreen lifesavers helped. Remember (as I was also reminded) you and your husband were united as one in marriage and thats so important..... Hopefully this will help, let us know how you are doing as your health and your babys health are both equally important.

  • I totally agree with Julie; morning sickness SUCKS and can be hard to get through, but luckily there are things that you can do to help get rid of it; or at least calm it down. The other ladies here have already listed some great resolutions so i will spare you having to read them again. Now as far as being mean to your husband is concerned; i can completely understand feeling alone in your adventures of having to run to the bathroom and feeling awful, but has is occurred to you that he also might be going through some changes of his own? While his changes might not be turning him green around the gills, it is entirely possible that his head is spinning with the huge turn your lives have just taken, and the enormous amount of responsibility he is about to have. While he knew that before you got pregnant, you should know thinking about being able to make those changes and actually being faced with the reality of doing it are two entirely different things. Not to mention you want him to be supportive and helpful during your pregnancy (especially when you get toward the end), and being mean isn't going to make him want to do either of those things....I think he may be owed a HUGE apology. Now on a positive note maybe you could come up with some ways he can help you feel better even if it's just helping around the house more so that you can relax a little more. I know for guys it's hard for them to figure out what we need and how to do it in a way that isn't going to get them in trouble. Remember that they aren't mind readers so if there is something you want from him you are going to have to spell it out (in a kind way) and let him do his part. One last thing morning sickness usually subsides or calms down a lot once the second trimester hits (but not always). Maybe looking forward to that time and knowing that this could just be temporary will help you keep your wits about you. Congrats on your little one and Welcome to the site. 

  • Indigochild,  

    it's been a few days since you posted and so I wanted to check in with you and see how things are going.  Would love an update!

    -Jess