Need help!!!!

  • Hey everyone so I am seven weeks pregnant, this is my first child, I am engaged to a great man. We have our problems don't get me wrong. There are things going on between us that I am not sure we can over come try as I may it is really hard to do. I do not want to raise this baby on my own so that is a big part to why I stay with him. The other reason is because I love him more than anything he is my heart and my soul. I know what you must be thinking, if I love him so much why do I think we will not make it. Here is the story before we ever got together he was with someone else. He was only with her for three weeks, she ended up getting pregnant and through out the whole pregnancy they thought it was his until the baby was born they found out it was not his. I was happy but he was not. I did something I should not have and read is emails he sent to his ex. He was writing her tell her how much he still loved her and how much he still wants to be with her and how I know our relationship was fixing to fall apart. Try as I may I can not just let this go. I want to because I got sick before I found out I was pregnant and he stood by me the whole time and never said a word to her, and when we found out I was going to have a baby he changed and makes it all about us now. But how do I know he really wants to be with us? He still carries a pic of his ex in is wallet how am I suppose to start  a family with someone who I really do not trust I try really hard everyday to trust him and he thinks I do but I really do not. He was using my phone one day and some girl messaged him and he told her that she was looking good and always have. He left for a week and was in the same place as that girl. How do I know he did not cheat on me. How can I trust him. It kills me everyday because I want nothing more than to be with him for the rest of my life I love him with everything in side of me that is another reason I have not left him. He has not told any of his friends or family about us getting married or our baby. I just do not know what to do. I want my baby to have a daddy but it is so hard to try to start  a family with someone like that. I just wish this was easy and not so hard all the time. I pray all the time asking for help. I have no one to talk to at all and just needed to vent sorry about that. I would like it if someone wrote me back and let me know what they think because I am at a lost. I do love him with all of my heart which is making this that much harder. Can I really trust him? Should I try for our family? Should I forget about it all and move on? If anyone can help I would appreciate it thank you.

  • Well first of all congrats on your pregnancy and welcome to strong moms... I'm not going to pretend that this baby is going to solve your problems or even make them easier, because lets face it... babies complicate everything. Especially when they are brought into an already rocky situation. The best advice i can give to you is sit down with him and talk out as rationally as possible everything that is on your mind.. get it ALL out in the open no matter how hard it may be. Often people obsess over things that need not be worried about and it only makes things harder on the relationship. Once he as told you that he doesn't want to be with his ex and that he did not cheat on you and really wants to be with you; then start to rebuild and trust him. Trust is a HUGE thing in a relationship and you need to trust him until he gives you a good reason not to, at which point you should then bring it up and get it out in the open without making accusations. That is not to say all of your common sense should go out the window and you should just believe everything he says just because he says it. Anyway if you really do love this guy and you feel that you can rebuild then try to talk it out... worst case scenario is you break up and raise this baby on your own. While that may be a hard thought, it is possible to do. My mom had three children by the age of 19 and raised us all on her own with the support of family. If she can do it with three kids then you can do it with one. so don't let being a single parent scare you into staying with someone who is not good for you or your baby... I really hope all turns out well for you, but know that we are all here if you need some advice or just want to vent.

  • Congratulations on your pregnancy! That always exciting! However it does seem like you are questioning lots of things in your relationship. Being in a relationship is never easy. Everyone has some sort of issues in their relationships...no ones is perfect no matter what they tell you so never feel like you are alone. You are not. I do agree with Brinny...I think it would be really beneficial for you if you sat down with him and talked to him about all of this. I think that once you know how he feels about everything you will feel better and then you can focus on yourself and this pregnancy. He may just be scared if this is his first child and when his ex got pregnant and lied to him about it being his he may be a little jaded about the situation. Let him know that you want to tell the family about your engagement and the pregnancy. Right now more than ever family is key. They will want to celebrate in all the good news as well. If it turns out that he doesn't want the same things as you, well then at least you will know now rather than later. And just because it may not be meant to be with him doesn't mean that you won't find someone who wants the same things as you. Its not healthy for you or the baby to hold all of these things in and be so stressed out about it. I think that the only way you will feel better about everything is if you actually talk to him. Relationships are really based on trust and if there is no trust in the relationship then it can be very difficult to make it work. Only you will know if you can trust him. I hope everything works out between you two. It sounds like you really love him! :) Keep us posted. We are here if you need us! :) Congrats again on the pregnancy!