something sooo special with first child worried about 2nd child changes

  • I have a 17 month old son that is my world. I have been to hell and back with my son and he has been, at times the only thing that has held me together. My parents were in a car accident the day after I had my son and passed away, so the first year was really rough trying to figure out how to be a young, new mom when i had just suddenly lost mine. I feel that I have something so incredibly special with my son and it would kill me to have that relationship change because i just found out I'm expecting my 2nd child in March 2014. I wanted a 2nd child, we were even trying to conceive but when it was confirmed that i was pregnant i cried because i knew that the relationship would change. I wanted my son to have someone else in his life because of the losing my parents, so i try to look at it in a good light, but sometimes i cant help but feel like I'm taking something away from my son. Has anyone else felt like this?

  • I'm soooo sorry to hear about your loss. I can imaging that rightly would have been a really tough time with so many HUGE changes happening at the same time. I'm not sure if you are spiritual or not, but take comfort in knowing that your parents are watching over you. I know to some that seems CRAZY, but i lost my grandpa (who was like a dad to me) in '06 and i regularly feel his presence and it has only gotten stronger and more frequent since my daughter was born... Crazy things happen like touch activated toys will suddenly go off when no one has been in the room for several hours (and yes the batteries have been changed!), and i will smell cigarette smoke in a non smoking home (not apartment), my daughter will look to the other side of the room and say and wave bye bye out of no where... and giggle at nothing... I'm a bit off topic now, but take comfort that they are with you.... I can also understand your dismay with feeling like you are taking something from your son as that is part of the reason i don't feel like i'm ready for baby 2 just yet... BUT,.. keep it in your mind that you aren't taking anything away from him. You will love him just as much, and support him just as much, and spend time with him and let him know that you love him. To top it off you are giving him a life long friend... what an AWESOME gift!

  • First of all, I'm so sorry about your parents and the way that they passed away. What a heartbreaking thing you have been through. I'm sure that it really bonded you to your child in a different sort of way. He probably really got you through some of your darkest days. I can assure you that many mothers have felt like they have a special relationship with their first and it's difficult to imagine how a second little baby can fit into such a loving situation without messing it up. Your son will be blessed tremendously for having a sibling in his life - a built in friend and someone to play with. He gets to learn how to share and be a giving person and understand what relationship are made of. Believe it or not, you will find a tremendous spot in your heart for this little one too. He/she will give you joy, just like your first, and you will find a way to love them both. You are quite normal...hang in there. Hugs to you. 

  • You are one very strong mom!  

    My best friend has two little girls, a 5 year old and an almost 4 yo.  She has expressed that same degree of connection with her older daughter and i know she had the some kind of concerns with her second daughter. However, once born i have never heard mention of that again.  Her girls are so different-each their own being, that I know she has a different relationship with each of them-just as they are different.  Your 2nd child will in no way replace your oldest, it will be a second and different relationship.

    -Jess

  • I am so sorry to hear of your heartbreaking loss and can't imagine how rough this year has been for you. I do know that feeling though of not wanting something good to change. I literally cried the day before my daughter was born because I knew my relationship with my son was about to change. I will tell you that it does change, but for the better....your heart grows even more to accomodate your second child and when you watch your son smile and cradle your new baby in his arms...something inside you just clicks. You realize--hey...I did that...I gave him something no one else on earth could ever give him----a family. No matter what happens to me in the future--they will always have each other and that is a bond you can never erase. You are giving him a brother (or a sister) and that is awesome. Congratulations on your new baby.