Start Early or Wait to Have Kids?

  • I'm one of those women who decided that she wanted to have all of her kids before she turned 30. My plans have certainly worked out, as I just hit my third decade a few weeks ago, have two beautiful little girls and no plans for any others. Yet, media has been buzzing over the last few months that women are waiting longer to have children and/or get married, which makes me think I could be the exception to the rule. The reason I chose my path is because I want to spend my later years enjoying time with my husband and not changing diapers. Women who are putting their families on hold are choosing to focus their younger years on their careers and personal development. Either way, deciding when (of if) to have children is always a highly personal decision. Did you decide to wait or start early? What were some of the reasons? Was it the right choice for you?

     

  • Hi. I'm 28 yrs old and I'm seven weeks pregnant with my second child. This is my last one. I too wanted to have all my children before I was 30. The reason why, well I want to be young enough to enjoy their life and activites (even when they are 30) and old enough to live out my college years and form a nice enviroment for my kids.  This way I enjoyed life, and now I can give them things so that they too can enjoy life. I dream of being able to enjoy traveling with my husband once the kids have left the nest. I'm hoping this plan allows it to come true.

  • I'm 32 and waiting a few more years. I went through a lot over the past decade and want to enjoy what I have achieved for a little bit longer. Life is good. But, I know I'll b ready for a little one soon :)

  • I think either way is great. I can see that getting it out of the way would be good b/c you could enjoy retirement and things like that, but I also think kids keep you young and I wouldn't mind being blessed with another later on.

  • I totally agree with you hornsbys! I want to be young enough to be able to relate to my kids when they're going through high school and college (heaven knows I don't remember grammar school!), but also be able to live my life as an adult. I also think that having my kids be able to see how I push myself to achieve my MA and PhD degrees is good for them. Most of what I remember about my parents when I grew up was them working at jobs that paid the bills. I want my girls to learn that they can reach for the things they want in life and grab them, just like their mom. I think if I'd waited to have children, they would miss out on that.

  • I never thought much about having kids and timing... but after marrying my wife the idea of when to have children suddenly became very important. For my wife and I it was important we have them young enough we will be able to participate in their lives, enjoy our not-too-old older years, being able to afford their needs and wants, and spacing out each child. We started early because it worked best for our plans, and thus far I believe it was a good choice for us.

  • My wife and I also decided to have our first child at a "young-er" age.  At least young being in our mid-twenties.  After having our first child and seeing the time and the way he completely changed everything in our lives we decided to have another child at a 3 1/2 year age gap so it will be a couple of years now until we have our next child.  We really wanted to be young enough to really enjoy our kids youth and be able to really play with them.  I know my mother had my youngest brother at 37 and by the time he was ready to go to college she was wiped out, I wanted to be able to enjoy my kids.

  • Madsdad, what have your experiences been like? Was it what you expected?

  • I completely agree with the original post, I was not planning on having kids as early as I did, but never the less, ya'll make me feel like a baby!  I'm 24, (25 in august) with number 3 due in March, but again I agree, this way all my kids will be grown and I can play with them.  It won't be starting a career and putting a newborn in daycare.  My other reasons are family related and how I grew up which my husband agrees with.  When I was a kid we were poor, I'm talking united way holiday family donation food poor.  It wasn't as bad for me as it was for my brother who's 5 years older, but we were made fun of because we were poor, I wasn't allowed over peoples houses because they thought I'd steal from them.  I don't want that for my kids, I'd rather struggle when they aren't in school and not remember it than the other way around.  Granted both my husband and I work, but you know its hard in this day and age with the economy to do much of anything without making sacrifices.  I'm glad I'm having my kids young, I won't be a mother who gets mistaken for a grandmother like many of my friends parents.  Its funny though on the flip side I'm 24 and still look like I'm 18 and still have that white trash stigma when people look at me pregnant with my 2 boys in tow. I just can't win!

  • well i always wanted to have kids long ago, but i guess God has a different plan for us, see i always wanted to have a kid just like alot of you say i wanted to be able to play with them and be part of their life as much as posible but also i wanted to be able to play with my grandkids as well, so for me my little princess didnt come till i was 33, right now she is only 4.5 months, i guess it took a special person for me to have my first baby and i cant forget about God he was the one that made it posible at the end.

    i just hope that when she had her kids i will be able to still run with them Big Smile

  • You will, that's the best part of being a parent - even when you are slower than them they still let you win (some days Wink). And grandkids love you whether you're running beside them or just chasing behind them. Being a parent is an amazing thing and I can't get over how great it is Big Smile.

  • FDX, while I had my first baby at 20 and my second at 28, my husband was 32 when our baby was born. He's loving every minute of it and has no regrets about waiting for the right person. And he's looking forward to being a grandpa to however many our girls decide to have. I think it's all about how young you are at heart. You're little girl is going to fill your whole life with happiness, even during those tough years, and you already know that life really is like that proverbial box of chocolates. It's what you do with that sweetness that counts!

  • she is the joy of my life, her mother is 19 and no i dont regret waiting for that special person, as a matter of fact im so glad she is her mother, and yes im looking forward to be a grand dad, well firs i want to be a dad again..... Big Smile

  • I agree with writemommy.. It's how young you are at heart.  Everyone has different preferences and different priorities.  I started young. I'm 22 (23 next month) and have 2 two children (a 2 yr old and a 6 month old).  My family had children young and close together and I just liked how it was in my family. Me and my sister are only 1 1/2 years apart and she's one of my best friends. I  just wanted my kids to be close together and as they get older my husband and I still young.  My husband is big into sports and if my son decides to get into that stuff my husband will love to be able to play with him instead of being too old for those kind of activities.

  • I had the plan to have my children before I was 30 also and I guess it's working out because I'm expecting my second in June and I'm 24.  I had my daughter when I was 20.  I'm not sure if we're going to have more kids or not.  My daughter is from my previous relationship and since my boyfriend is only 21 I'm thinking that he might decide he'd like to have another child in a few years.

    My parents were always the older ones of the group when I was growing up.  My dad's turning 60 this year and my mom is a couple years behind him.  My younger brother is 18.  I think that having older parents added some stability to our lives, but I think that it's made them feel like they spent their whole lives raising kids.  My oldest brother is 40, so I guess they have.  I know that they still enjoy their grandkids and I'm thankful that my children are going to have the opportunity to get to know their grandparents.  I never got to know mine and it always made me sadSad