does anyone....

  • Does anyone else feel guilty when your baby is crying and you cant figure out  what is wrong?  There are times when I have to set her down and walk away because I am getting upset.  I've gone thru the routine, diaper, bottle, burping, to hot or cold.  I know she is just tired but she wont settle down, I've swaddled then the quiet, but the moment I set her in her crib she wakes back up.  She does sleep in her crib at night no problem it is just during the day.  I am trying to work at convincing my self that it is okay to let her cry but I just dont know.  She is only 1 month, am I just trying to hard? Should I just hold her for her naps?  My inlaws and family say to just let her cry it out but I dont know if my nerves can handle it.  I also want her to know that she can trust me to meet her needs. 

  • There can be nothing more confusing when our babies do this. I just had my third baby about 7 weeks ago (finally a little princess!) and I feel the same unease with this one that I did my first son. I know that it is hard to hear them cry and you should do what you feel is right. Whether it is holding your baby or like you say walking away when you are getting upset. Was your baby early? Maybe they are starting to experience the early signs of colic. My oldest had it and it was some of the most trying times of my life as a mommy. But we made it through just fine. I think after you have made sure everything else is ok, maybe you should ask someone else to hold her while you take a few minutes to yourself. Take a bath or a shower. Walk outside. My family definately believes in the let the baby cry it out, I don't practice it. I know they say the baby will become spoiled. But I can't listen to my baby cry like that and I want them to feel comfort. Maybe one of the other issues is that they can feel your anxiety? I thought that was just a myth too but I noticed when I have felt the most anxious is when my children have more distress. Even with the older ones. Maybe sit in the room with soft music and talk with the baby. I know it sounds weird but maybe they just want to feel your warmth and hear your voice. I also did some skin to skin contact with my children when they became this fussy. I have even sang to them, while rocking them and brushing their hair with the tiny little brushes. I am not sure if any of this will help. If not talk to the pediatrician and they can let you know. Also, it may be the milk they are drinking, whether breast or bottle.

  • Is your husband able to help? My husband and I would take shifts the first few weeks of our baby's life. One would do 10p-3a and the other would do 3a-9a. We would alternate so we got at least some sleep. He is seven weeks now and will sleep 4 hours at a time at night, occassionally more. However, in the beginning it was very trying. We don't believe in letting the baby cry it out. It can cause psychological damage, but of course everybody is going to say something different. It can also increase cortisol levels, which is a hormone produced by the adrenal gland (a gland that sits on top of the kidney) that measures the amount of stress in the body. I didn't have a dad growing up, so I want to give my baby as much love, comfort, and attention as possible. Fortunately, my husband is wonderful and is the dad to my baby like I never had. :)

  • Whoops! I misunderstood. I thought you meant she slept during the day and not at night. Maybe the other poster is right ad she does have colic. I hope not. My sister got through it when her son was a baby; it was tough. She said using a sound activated crib attachment helped. She said it was the fisher price aquarium, but that was thirteen years ago, with her oldest. I don't think they make it anymore. She said he would start to fuss and it would start up and he would go back to sleep. They do have remote control ones now though that you can start from a different rooms. Maybe that would help. I saw a pretty cool aquarium type one with a remote by baby einstein at Target.

  • I think that maybe 4 weeks old is a little young to cry it out. That being said, there are certainly times when you do everything you can think of and your baby will still cry. It's quite normal behavior for little ones. My son would sometimes cry but enjoy being in his swing for some quiet time versus the crib. As your baby gets a little older, sometimes the amount of naps they take can change. Instead of sleeping constantly, they may take a long morning nap and a long afternoon nap. Just hang in there, look for signs of sleepiness, and trust your own judgement with your baby. Whatever decision you make is the best one for her because you know her best. :-)

  • I agree that 4 weeks old is too young to let them cry it out. If your baby is really fussy or colicky, make sure you talk with your doctor and assess her feeding schedule with him/her. You may need a different formula or there may be something your doctor can do to help. If everything else is fine, then consider putting her in a swing to help soothe her. Having a newborn can be stressful, but chance are it will even out soon. Good luck and let us know how it is going.

  • I want to support PediNurseJulie and MommyRN4-Let's get that kiddo checked out by the doctor.  Many common ailments can be easily remedied with a trip in to the doctors office.  Then they can best advise you on crying it out or not.  Do keep us posted,


  • A baby crying when you can't find anything wrong is definitely one of the most frustrating things about parenting.  I've done the same as you--lay her in her crib where I know she'll be safe and step away to calm myself down.  I would agree with the previous posters--it never hurts to have a doctor take a look. Also, it doesn't hurt to ask for help.  There were times when I couldn't get my daughter to calm down, but my husband or my mom could.  And don't worry, this will pass eventually.  Good luck!!

  • How is your little one doing? I just wanted to check in with you to see if you little one was any happier!

  • Things seem to be going better.  We have went to placing a velour sheet down and now she is doing okay.  I just keep trying, I am getting better at hearing her cry it is not killing me as bad anymore.  My husband took a few days and was able to help which was great!  Thank you for all your advice!  It helped me to know that I was doing things the best I could.

  • Glad to hear you've gotten some help and are finding that you are able to cope with things a little better. Motherhood is full of constant adjustments - you can do it!! :-)

  • I agree with Julie... just when you think you have things figured out, babies will do their best to throw you a curve! The more experience you have, the more you can be in-tune to what your baby's needs are. I have three little girls and I am still learning something new about being a parent virtually everyday. Continued good luck! 

  • Hi, im new to the site. But if you dont mind my commenting. You have to do whatever feels right to you. If you cant handle just letting her cry then dont.It seems like everyone has good advice. Just do what you think is best for you both. After my daughter was born i swear i didnt shower for weeks at a time. One night my husband came home and literally found me crying because she would cry every time i would try to put her down long enough for me to hop in the shower. I couldnt handle it. eventually i got shower while he watched her. Personally i find a good support group is key; family, husbands, friends ect. :)

  • i understand what you feel, one night, my baby was crying... i don't know why, but my husband and my little son (4) woke up too. my husband was asking me the cause of that drama, but i didn't know what to say. i felt guilty like you because i didn't want my husband to think that i was a bad mommy!!!

  • Sounds like you are receiving some good advice and encouragement from other moms on here. We are all in the same boat at one point or another - it's hard to know what the right balance is between caring for yourself and the baby. As much as you can, trust your instincts when it comes to caring for your baby and just be confident in your ability to meet their needs as their mother. :-)