bonding

  • Hello, first time mom here. I had my son bout 4 wks ago. Right now we are living with my inlaws(who i actually get along with,lol) due to financial struggles. Like my husband and I they are very excited to have a new baby in the house. So are a lot of their very close friends, who are over every week. To me it seems there are so many people taking him from me, passing him around, and wanting to help that i feel like i'm gonna be just another person to my son and not his "mother" I am so grateful for the help, especially being so sleep deprived, but i feel torn between wanting the help and wanting to be with my son. I'm also too nice to say no and all these people have done so much for us in the past, i almost feel obligated. I know right now is important for bonding, but everytime i feel like i am someone else comes home...what do i do?

  • My opinion is to not worry too much.  My daughter is 9 weeks old, and I remember at 4 weeks she was barely even awake.  Do you breastfeed?  If so, there is your perfect bonding time.  If you bottle feed like I do, maybe try to always be the one giving the bottle.  You should never feel embarassed or feel like you shouldn't say "ok, give me my baby, it's my turn."  I also ran into this, as my mother in law lives down the street and comes by everyday.  You can be firm without being mean.  Just take charge.  Maybe take the baby so Grandma can "make the bottle" for you.  Yes, bonding in the beginning is very important, but I think a lot of that importance stems from the baby just needing to feel taken care of.  Plus, as your baby gets older, close friends will probably come less often (this happened with me).

  • Our baby isn't born yet, but my mother-in-law (who I get along with wonderfully!) has already offered to come and spend a couple of weeks to help out when the baby is born in May.  After talking to my husband about it we decided that while we'll both appreciate the help and would love the visit we're going to ask her to wait a couple of weeks so that the two of us can learn to be parents and establish a routine before adding a bunch of people to it.  I understand that your situation is different, but you are MOMMY and that gives you the right at any time to step in and ask for some time with the baby.  If anyone feels slighted or is offended by that, they are in the wrong not you.  My mother-in-law completely understood when we told her what we were thinking, and while I think MY mother is going to be less understanding we're going to ask for the same space from her at first so that the two of us can get to know the baby, ourselves, and each other as new parents. 

  • ya i'm bottle feeding...i'll try that, thanks