my baby doesnt sleep....HELP

  • Hi my name is laura and i have an almost 4 month old baby girl. Ive got a little problem. SHE IS TOO ATTACHED to me. like seriously. my daughter wakes up to start the day around 7:30am which is great, she does not have a nap at all during the day. I mean if she falls asleep on me, and i put her down in the crib or playard, she willl automatically open her eyes and scream bloody murder. She is not happy on the swing, rocker, playard, crib not anywhere she just wants me to hold her all day i cant get anything done. At night when i try to sleep her shell fall fast asleep and when i go put in the crib.... SCREAMING. i really need some advice. ive tried rocking singing diaper food ..... she hates to be swaddled she screams even louder. i dont know. I even bought her an aquarium for her crib.Another thing, when she was born she used to eat 2 oz like every 2-3 hours which is normal, she had started to eat like 4oz every 3. and now she wont even take 2. so she is constantly hungry. every 20 mins. i make her a 4oz bottle and she wont even eat. a 4 month old should be drinking more right????? i feed her and shell just bite the nipple or turn her head.....i dont know what to do. help pplease. im tired.

  • Hi Laura,

    My it's not always a good idea to hold your baby all the time. letting her cry is good but if you decide to let her cry it will be hard. You will want to pick her up so bad but you shouldn't....after a bit of crying pick her up and console her but dont hold her constantly......that is what she wants......also feeding her too often is not good for might want to consider consulting your physician on the matter because she is already four months old and has such irregular feeding habits......that is the best advice i can give.....

  • It sounds like there may be some other things going on other than separation anxiety, especially if she's having issues with feeding. Definitely schedule an appointment with her pediatrician to discuss these concerns. You may find that it's not what you think at all, but something physical. Either way, a trip to the doctor can yield at the very least some peace of mind.

  • Just an idea that I read in a magazine. If your daughter is waking up at 7:30 and isn't taking a nap, maybe she is crossing that fine line of being tired and exhausted. I know as adults if we get to tired we can't fall asleep and from what I read it is the same in babies. Maybe you could try putting her down like 2-3 hrs after she wakes up and try a nap. Yes, I know you said she will cry, but you may have to be strong and let her cry. I truly know how hard this is, my 4 month daughter went through the same thing, she always wanted to be held. I would put her in her crib when she was sleepy and leave the room. She would wake and cry which I would let her do for at least 5 mins than I would go up, DO NOT pick her up. Give her a pacifer and rub her back or tummy until she calms down. You might trying sitting next to her crib, but don't hold her. When calm leave the room. You may have to repeat this numerous times. My husband and I had to, but now our daughter is learning to fall asleep on her own. As far as eating are you giving her formula? Maybe try a different kind or a different nipple. My pediatrician said that if my daughter wouldn't eat her whole bottle than once she was done to wait 2 hrs to feed her, even if she acted hungry 20 mins later because all she is really doing is snacking. Taking in just enough to satisfy her appetite but is never really hungry. Just a couple of ideas. Hope this helps, from what I hear it does get easier.

  • Will she take a Nuk? It sounds like she is having a hard time self soothing so maybe a Nuk will help. Also, have you checked her gums, some babies teeth earlier than others. Have you tried white noise, like a fan? Speaking with her doctor may also be a good idea just to be on the safe side. My 8 month old is putting me through the same thing, but many factors are why- we have moved and his eldest brother is no longer living with us along with my mother in law being gone and I am pregnant again and due in March. So that is another thing to consider. Children especially babies can be very sensative to changes in their environments and in our moods.

  • Sorry to hear you're having so much trouble. I'm not good at all about giving advice but I truly sympathize. I have a 4 year old and a 2 month old. They are NOTHING alike. Have you tried giving her a pacifier since you say she bites on the nipple? And adding a little rice cereal to her milk so what she does take will help some. My son doesn't like being swaddled or rocked either so they have a few things in common. Seems like she wakes up because you're moving her. At night, I let him fall asleep with me (cause he refuses to sleep in the crib). When he's fast asleep, I ease out of bed and stay up on the computer or read for a little while. After a few weeks, he started getting used to laying by himself. Now, I move him from my bed to his crib (very carefully!) and he will actually sleep in there. It takes time to wean them out of something they are used to. But try. Don't feel bad about not wanting her to cry, I'm guilty of holding my babies all the time, too!!!

  • My very first thought is that she must be seen by her pediatrician regarding her eating habits and inability to sleep. It sounds like she may be in pain. We always want to rule out pain before moving on to any sort of sleep modification.

    After that, I would work on getting 2 naps a day. One at about 9 and again around 1pm. A 4 month old who doesn't nap is very likely overtired. Being overtired will result in crankiness and not sleeping well at night. While some babies are hardwired not to nap well, most will nap twice a day at this age with some work. You might try a book like this as a starting point:

    If you can get these 2 things worked out, the rest may fall into place. Please let us know what her pediatrician says. I hope she feels better soon.

  • You're right she's too attached but if you keep picking her up that's all she's going to want and futhermore demand.  One of the best tricks I've found on teaching my 3 little ones about alone time is annoying but works.  If say she's in the crib crying and it's 9:30/10am and you know it's time for a nap put her in and walk away.  Let her cry for like a minute, go in say it's time for a nap lay her down (if she's moving around at all) and leave.  Increase the time to about 3 min.  go back in lay her down and leave.  And just keep doing that, she will get the idea.  She needs to know that even though you're not there you are around.  It's understandably scary for an infant but remember you're in control.  And babies are the worst when they're over tired.  I'm not some super scheduled mom but if she's not falling into her own pattern you need to make one for her it's all really better for the both of you in the end and most likely if she's not sleeping that's why she's having eating problems.

  • Hi Laura and welcome. First I can understand what it's like. My daughter is similar, though not to the same degree. She does not like to be anywhere or do anything without her mother holding her. She does sound very tired though. I always say move in small steps, not just because its easier for children but because even as adults it helps us preserve our sanity too...

    With my daughter we tried lying down with her to nap in the mid-morning (maybe 9 or 10) and again in the afternoon (around 2 or 3) depending on how well she was doing we adjusted the times obviously. We did this with our daughter when she was young and it really helped her moods during the day. I am also a supporter of Crying-It-Out (CIO) in the right situations, in this situation I think it is warranted. I'm not saying leave her in her crib all day screaming and crying, but I do think it helps a lot in my relationship with my daughter that I don't pick her up if she's throwing a tantrum. It shows I'm not going to give her attention for doing negative things.

    For feeding, I would definitely see a pediatrician right away. It may just be she's playing with it or that the nipple isn't the right size, but I'd still cover the bases by seeing one. If she's going hungry that can lead to a lot of bad things. You may also talk to him or her at that time about introducing some "solid" foods like rice cereal and such. We gave our daughter some early on and she loved it, it really helped her fill up too.

  • You know, 4 months ago, I was in just about the same position. I have to say, making a routine and sticking to it, including NOT holding her is something that will work. I guarantee it will be hard, especially on you. I made an issue of not holding her as much as possible. If you do hold her and she goes to sleep, put her in her crib. Every time. If she wakes up, roll up some blankets and kind of make a "nest" for her so she feels like someone's holding her. Give her something to hold on to and cover her, and pat her butt (or whatever you do to get her to sleep) until she calms down again. This may take a while the first few times. Make this your routine, and soon you should get her better at it. I started doing this 4 months ago, and now as soon as I put my daughter down (even if she's not falling asleep on me) and pop a binky or bottle in her mouth, she will suck on it for about 5-10 minutes and she's out. No problem. It's actually easier now to get her to sleep that way. She does not want to fall asleep in anyone's arms.

  • I totally agree with the "routine" theory! One really great thing I learned THIS TIME around..... was at night, to give my baby a bath right before bed. It seperated day/night for her. (Also relaxed her.) And instead of keeping a nightlight on....... I keep it all dark!

    Otherwise, it's all new to them and they don't know the difference of when they're supposed to be awake or sleeping.

    At 6 weeks..... I've got it!

    With my FIRST BORN...... Well, it takes time! Make a scedule and stick to it! We are all creatures of habit...... our babies crave it!

  • I too have a son that was exactly the same. He never napped, sceamed in the car, if I got a half hour out of him all day I was lucky. Unfortunatly, it never changed, he is now 11 and I still can't get him to sleep at night. I think it's just in his genes, he's not a sleeper. Some people just don't require as much sleep as others. I wish you the best of luck.