No help.......no break....no way out

  • I love my little girl, she is my first baby and Iam just apsoloutley blessed...I mean what did I do with my life before she came along. All my time is completley focused and surrounded by her. But even a super mom needs a break. My husband never helps me. From the time I wake up Iam cleaning house, changing diapers, cooking,feeding and giving baths. I never have time for myself anymore. What I wouldent give for a shower.....Lol And I tell him I need help but he just doesnt get the picture. What should I do? I just feel like falling apart...Iam exhausted.>>>

  • You cannot raise this child alone. It takes a village to raise a child. Your husband needs to realize that raising a baby takes time, work, and energy. He may think that going to work and financially supporting the family is enough, but it is not enough. You need help dividing the duties when he is at home, so you have time for yourself. You will breakdown very quickly without help. Can you try to get a babysitter or a nanny for some help during the day? Any family members close to your home that can offer some help?

  • Boy do I relate to this! When I had my first child, I felt the same way. At first, I resented my husband for not helping me out more...but then I realized that he truly did not know how to help or when to help. I began by having a discussion with him about how hard it was to be a new mom etc and what I needed help with. Then I found some very specific ways he could help me out....i.e. holding the baby so I could take a shower, making dinner a few nights a week, or getting up in the morning with him on the weekends so I could sleep in.

    You may have to be really specific with him and then keep the lines of communication open. When he does the dishes...let him know how much it helped you out and how much nicer your evening was because of it. Hope this helps

     

     

  • I feel like this too! If your husband is like mine, then I assure you that he doesn't mean to be a jerk, he just doesn't realize what you're going through. Here is something that I do that makes my life a little easier. After dinner I give the baby a bath, then I wrap her up in a towel and hand her to daddy who is relaxing on the sofa. He snuggles and dresses her while relaxing, so it doesn't seem like such a chore. I use this time to clean up the bath and dinner messes and then sneak in a shower. Usually by the time I'm done, the baby is ready for bed.

  • I know what your going through!  This is my husband and I's first baby as well.  I would get so upset because I would feel as though I was the only one who wanted to take care of him and play with him.  I talked to my husband and got really angry when he didn't take charge.  He finally told me that it wasn't that he didn't want to be helpful, he just didn't know how to.  He didn't know what he could do with the baby since he wasn't old enough to play with like he knew how to.  Just ask your husband to let him fall asleep in his arms and when he does, you can take a relaxing bath.  Ask him to take the baby for a stroll around the block so you can have the house to yourself for a while.  Just give him some time.  Maybe he is just nervous and doesn't know how to handle it.  But definately talk to him and let him know its bothering you.  Good luck and Congrats on your baby!

  • I would like to think I am more in tune to our daughters' needs than the husbands described above, but my wife might not agree! I totally believe in communication, so if you feel like your man has left you on an island to deal with parenthood alone, you need to communicate that to him. Try to do it in a non-accusatory, non-confrontational way, so he doesn't get defensive. I think when your problems are better illustrated to your husband, he will pitch in more.

  • When he comes home from work leave him and the baby in the same room. slip into the shower or tell him you're taking a lil walk or short trip to t he store. one of two things willhappen. the baby will sit contently while dad does his thing and he'll realize it's not so scary to handle her. Or she'll start to fuss and want attention and if he doesn't want to sit and let her cry (most of us can't do that) then he will get up and interact with her. It could be a start of a great relationship betweent he two. You should focus on WHY he doesn't interact w/ her. is he scared to hold her? help him practice how and let him know that as long as he supports her body, there's not much he can do to harm her. If he is just a lazy butthead... maybe you should rehtink your relationship alltogether. If he wanted a boy instead of a girl, let him know all of the great htings about a girl... they can still play ball and enjoy mud, cars, sports, etc.

  • It is not a good idea to label a husband a "lazy butthead" and now is not the time to "rethink your relationship altogether." I read that more divorces happen in the first year postpartum than in any other time over the course of a marriage. Don't let hormones, stress and exhaustion ruin your marriage. Be patient. The baby is new to both of you. Give it some time.

  • You are totally right!

  • I understand what you mean.Are u a stay at home mom.I am My husband comes home takes a shower and still my daily routine is the same when he comes home.But, amleast he will let me go out to get a mani and pedi and sometimes i leave him for a long period of time when i go food shopping or get my hair done.However u need time for your self .Have u asked him to watch the baby just for a lil?

  • I have the best of both worlds. I work 12h shifts 7p-7a. When I'm working he's in charge. He is awsome. With my twelve year old I went back to after three weeks. The only down side is that I also have to sleep during the day. Luckily I can manage on 5-6 hrs sleep, so at least I get to see her for about 4 hours before back to work. It makes you appreciate every day off. Sometimes on my days off it is 1 or 2 pm before I realize that I have not eaten anything. I just give him the baby, "look daddy she here's your voice and is looking for you." go fix the bottle and give it to him. Then escape to the bath. good luck. 

  • Good Luck!  My husband has been a stay at home dad since our first daughter was born-7 years ago!!!  Poor guy thought he may finally have to get a job, then baby #2 came along.  Not only does he not work outside the home, he does virtually nothing inside the home!  The only thing I can tell you is to give him a SPECIFIC list of things to do.  For some reason, men have become conditioned to think that we are the only ones who can do the household chores, so they don't even worry about it.  Unfortunately as women, worrying about it is what we do best.  DELEGATE!  Don't ASK him to do something-TELL him (and try to be nice).    Good Luck!

  • I agree with some of the previous posters. Try your best to communicate your specific needs, in a way that is non-confrontational (e,g. not when either one of you is upset or tired). Men aren't always in tune with the needs of a baby as Mom is, so he may need some guidance from you. Good luck! As a mom of 3 kids, I promise, it will get easier! Wink

  • i completely understand.  i have twin boys and my husband didn't help at all.  he supposedly stayed home to help during the first month and didn't do much but drive me crazy.  i barely ate anything and didn't sleep more than an hour at a time which resulted in very, very poor milk supply . i didn't even have time to pump.   i couldn't even sleep during the boys nap times because i was trying to either cook myself something, go to the bathroom, or just clean up the nursery and get ready for the next feeding.  we almost seperated several times because tension was so high around here.  as time progressed, i was more vocal but tried not to be so nagging which as helped a little.  believe me, its still not easy.  i feel like i'm a single mom.  he wont even buy anything for the boys.  it's a little strange i think but i guess he's just super selfish.  i wish i could give you advice because i sometimes don't know what to do myself.  however, i feel like you just have to stick with it.  try to reason with him if at all possible.  i'm sure you've tried.  but, just remember that it does get easier.  my boys are now sleeping four hours straight which is a godsend.  you'll slowly adjust  . . . but hopefully your husband will step it up!