• So I just had my first baby and I know everyone says that vaccinations are good for your children. I agree, the problem is my fiance doesn't agree. He is completely against getting a baby vaccinated before the first year. This is his second child and so he believes he knows it all and tells me I know nothing. He won't compromise or anything when I try to discuss it with him. I don't know how to handle it and don't want it to come between our relationship but I strongly believe that it is important and I will only ever want what is best for my baby. Does anyone have any ideas on how to handle this?

  • This is a really tough one... it seems like you both genuinely want what's best for your child. You need to communicate that to him first off, and not let this become a bitter issue for one of you. It's clear that someone has to give in, so be as educated as possible about your decision.

    If it were me, I would then seek several medical opinions and try to get as much information as possible.

    I also struggled with the idea of vaccinations while my wife was pregnant, but after hearing advice from two doctors I trusted as well as other parents, I came to believe it was the right and best thing to do. But I can understand both of your points of view because I've been there too.

  • If your baby had no exposure to the outside world then it would be ok to compromise about the vaccines.  However, the reality is that your baby comes in contact with adults who are exposed to all the worldly cooddies, and that, in turn, exposes him/her to desease.  Firstly, get the facts, get the pros & the cons and get your baby's dr's opinion.  If you decide to go for the vaccines, then you can confront your fiance with heavy information artillery.  Remember that there is a risk either way you go.  It is just a mater of eliminating the option with the higher risk factor.  Also, remember that you don't have to get all the vaccines in 1 visit... you can split them up and spread them out any way you want.

    This a good opportunity to establish some rules about decision making in your relationship.  You must both be in agreement with such important decisions.  If it comes down to one of you being the dictator (because he knows it all and you know nothing) then your problem is much larger than vaccines.  Remember that ultimately, you are the mother, and your maternal instinct counts for more than his experience with 1 other child.  

  • Is he open to reading up on the subject?  If so, I highly recommend Dr. Robert Sears' The Vaccine Book.  He  goes over each vaccine, how its made, side effects, relative risks of each  disease, etc.  Its a very balanced approach, and has suggestions for parents who only want to give some vaccines or none at all regarding relative risks and benefits.