New mom and not sure whats going on

  • I have a 3month old and I'm 18. I feel so overwhelmed I don't know what too do.  My parents say there surprised at how good of a mother I am but i don't feel like I am and my soon-to-be Husband (her father) is a lot of help but I so overwhelmed that i'm angry all the time and I feel like Im pushing him away I don't know what to do.  I just joined this site today so I don't Know if anyone is gonna read this and help but i just need so one too understand. 

  • Oh my goodness, it's ok.  I'm 24 and my daughter is almost three months old and i'm overwhelmed!  My fiance is my total support system, and he's told me that i've been snappy and mean sometimes.  I was keeping in all my frustration to the point where the littlest thing made me snap.  Talk to your soon to be husband about how you are feeling.  I understand completely what you are going through.  I'm sure you'll find that he's a little frustrated at times too.  Just be sure to keep the lines of communication open.  This new change is hard but you will get through it.  If you need to talk anymore send me a message I would be more than happy to talk to you!!!!

     

    Talk to you later and keep your chin up, remember you are great mom!!!

  • thank u and i know i need to talk to him but anytime i try it makes him feel bad because he dosn't know how to help so it just so hard we alway just end up fighting its so frustrating
  • Feeling overwhelmed is normal, to a certain extent. If you feel like it's taking over your life, speak to your doctor. He/she is the best resource on how and what you can do to change things. It seems like your family is a great support system, so you are very lucky. Talk with them about how you are feeling and perhaps they can lend more helping hands.

  • Thanks so much for having the courage to post your concerns! Being a new mom is so much harder than anyone realizes until they've been there. Being young complicates it even more. So take a deep breath and tell  yourself it's OK to be overwhelmed, and asking for help is usually the hardest part. 

    I would reccomend looking for a program that offers home visits like Early Head Start or Healthy Famillies. You'll be assigned a home visitor that will help you with child development, goal setting, and just be a sounding board for you when you feel overwhelmed. There are usually support groups at some hospitals or birthing centers for new moms. If there's nothing in your area, you can contact your obgyn, lactation consultant, or even local WIC office and ask what resources are in your town.

    Don't be ashamed of admitting it's hard. I have 5 children and each pregnancy and birth were different and provided different stressors. I'm proud of you for trying to be the best parent you can, just remember there is no perfect parent so don't beat yourself up for not being perfect. Hang in there!

    Find an Early Head Start Program:

    http://eclkc.ohs.acf.hhs.gov/hslc/HeadStartOffices

     

    Healthy Famillies home page:

    http://www.healthyfamiliesamerica.org/home/index.shtml

  • No one can prepare you for the adjustment that is made when a baby comes along.  If it hasnt gotten any easier, and you have the support, I recommend talking to your doctor, as well.  Sometimes it helps just to talk to someone who can give you some perspective, advice, and a prescription, if need be.

  • Heyy my names macy i just had a baby boy in may his names colten and he just turned 3 months old and im 18 too.. so i no how ya feel yess it gets overwhelming at times me and my boyfriend live together but he works all day long so i take care of the baby all day by myself so it helps to play because itll ware him out and he'll take more naps..colten loves to be outside so i take him out and play with him under a tree in the yard he loves it then i bring him in feed him and right after that i usually put him to bed. then i get me time!! : ) lol

  • * take some "me" time - critical since your baby needs a happy you!  take an hour and get your nails or hair done - it will be the longest and hardest hour you will ever spend away from your baby but you need to be a happy mom.  When dad has baby for a while - it will be their unique bonding experience - and the start of new memories (let dad surprise you with how well he handles himself with the baby for an hour)

    * prioritize - it's worth spending a few extra bucks - get a couple extra sets of bottles and baby clothes - less you have to worry about chores immediately - example 3 extra bottles buys you 6-12 hours of time before you need a "reset" on bottles again.  Stack up on "easy" buttons around the house - instead of buying crib sheets and changing pad sheets and pack and play sheets and bassinett sheets, stock up on sheet protectors that can be used anywhere in the house and cost a lot less - outside of keeping baby stuff in near new condition :)

    * delegate chores - make specific arrangements as to who needs to do what and by when it needs to get done - this understanding will alleviate you from feeling like you've got the world on your shoulders and a baby in your arms (who ever does the diaper changes needs to be the one to pack the diaper bag)

    * if you haven't tried the baby schedule routine - it works wonders.  not sure of the title - "About being Baby Wise"  excellent source for new moms - we read it a little late but implementing now is more about us as parents adjusting instead of baby adjusting - baby seems more resiliant and open to structure.

     

    Good luck!

     

  • Hey. Oh my gosh. We are in the same position. I just joined this site today too. Im 18 and i have a 2 month old baby boy. I was reading your post and I feel the same exact way.

  • My baby is almost 5 weeks old and i'm 27 and i know how you're feeling. I'm on maternity leave and with my boyfriend working full time I felt like I was doing this on my own and that he wasn't much help. I was getting angry and resentful towards him until I started talking to him about how I feel. He helps more around the house and it much more sensitive to the fact that I need a little me time. And he makes sure that I get some on days he's off. I've also started trying to visit friends and family when they are free. It gives me a much needed break (everyone wants to hold the baby) and I get to talk to a grown up for a while. Doing these things have helped me feel better and hopefully they help you because it is overwhelming to be a mom.

  • I'm a very young, new mom too. I feel the same way; there are times I just want to slap my boyfriend...just take a deep breath, hand baby off to someone, and do not fight around her...she can tell when somethings wrong with you. good luck :)

  • I feel the same! I got on this board to look for a post just like this!  I'm 28 and I have a 6 week old.  I am married but my husband is a full time student and is working full time.  I am on maternity leave and I go back to work very soon.  I feel awful b/c everyone keeps telling me how it's going to be so hard to leave the baby at daycare - but the truth is I can't WAIT!! I wish I could go back to work today!

    I love my daughter, but she is constantly gassy and fussy.  She will only take 15 minute naps during the day.  If she is awake she is crying....it's almost like the only time she is enjoyable is when she is sleeping, and lately it has been taking everything to get her to go to sleep at night! Thankfully the one thing we have going for us is that she only wakes up once during the night to eat, and she will go right back to sleep after eating - Thank God!

    However, I am completely overwhelmed - already got some meds from my doctor, but still feel like I am a mess.  Everyday my husband and I say we can't wait until she is older b/c we won't have to deal with the constant crying and such, but it is horrible to wish away her baby-hood :( I just want it to get better.

    Good to know I'm not alone though :)

  • I am 23 and I just had our second child that is almost 6 months old. My husband and I have been such a good team with our first child that we felt no problems coming into this again. But I was WRONG. It is so different when you aren't keeping the communication lines open and holding everything in. I got severely post partum depressed and he couldn't stand that he had no clue what was going on. If I would have expressed my concerns and problems to him back then when our second was born, we wouldn't be in this mess. He has been such a support tool for me when I'm feeling down and low, so just keep talking to your men. They are more willing to help than you think. And take your me time. Go back to work if you don't want to stay home. But you have to do what is best for your sanity or it will reflect on the family you are raising. Good luck

  • im 21 with a 16 month old and a 4 month old so stress isnt something new...on top of that my husband and i are having problems but not because of the baby.  all i can tell you is not to keep everything inside cuz u will blow eventually and make sure u get some time for yourself...things will get better tho and u will love being a mom

  • im 18 to it so weird and scary and my baby isn't here yet but i dont know what to do im happy though and cant wait to meet my baby im ready to feel my baby move. Big Smile