How Long should you really let your baby cry before you go to check on them?

  • My 1 month old LOVES to cry, especially at very small things,
    my husband (who has had a child before) tells me that i need to let him cry sometimes and not just just run to his aid and pick him up. I agree i just dont know how long i hsould really let him cry for. For example: I will feed him his bottle burp him change his diaper then swaddle him up and lay him down to rest with his pacifer...as soon as that pacifer falls out of his mouth he just starts screaming. sometimes i just go in there and put it back in but when he keeps knocking it out of his mouth he just cries and cries and cries. one time i let him cry and he just stopped but others he willc ry for a very long time to the point where i go and pick him up just to get him to stop. any advice here????

  • At his age I would say not very long. He doesn't know you are still there when he can't see you. He just wants to be comforted and can't do it himself. I would say just a few minutes to see if he will comfort himself back to sleep before you go get him would be plenty, but that is just my opinion.

  • Your baby was in your body for nine months.  It is such a shock for them into a cold world.  I say don't let him cry at all.  Comfort him, enjoy him, and carry him all he wants.  He needs the warmth and reassurance from you.  If humans would really observe nature, how many animals carry their young for years.  If it's good enough for them, it definitely should be good enough for us.  I already have two children of my own, 12 and 9, and, I just found out I'm pregnant with my third.  Even though this was totally unexpected at 42, I have been given another chance.  And I am going to do things so differently with this baby.  When you first become a mom, you worry so much about doing the right thing, we fail to follow our maternal instincts.  Enjoy your baby and be there for him whenever he wants. 

     

  • When I know my son is sleepy, like if he falls asleep while I'm holding him but then wakes up and cries when I put him down, I let him cry 30 minutes, that's my limit.  Usually after 15 minutes he is asleep.  If he's not sleepy and I don't expect him to cry himself to sleep, I might put him down and let him cry long enough for me to get bottles washed or something, but then I go pick him back up.  My son has colic and cries pretty much all the time, whether I'm holding him or not, so sometimes I do just have to put him down and let him cry or I'm going to go crazy!

  • my baby is 5 weeks today and does the same thing. Very rarley does he stop crying when i try to let him cry. I wait about 10minutes and then if he is still crying i go and get him. By then he usuely know what he wants. I try to feed him and then rock and burp him to sleep. I know its so hard to hear him cry but sometimes a baby needs to let it out because after trying everything to calm him down and all failed attemps. Dont stress if you feel overwelmed put him down and go take a fresh breath of air. Alot of people will give you advise or disagree with your choices but you are the mother and are incontrol even when you feel like you are about to have a nervous breakdown!!!

  • At this age, crying it out isn't a good idea. Babies this young need to know you are there for them and it's scary being all along after having been in the womb for nine months. Honestly, you need to listen to the cry. Over time you will learn when it's time to "let him cry it out". At some point, when you know they are fed, burped and changed, there is nothing else you can do and letting him be to cry helps not only him learn to self soothe, but keeps your nerves and temper in place. I have three kids and they were all different. Just relax, follow your instincts and don't overdo it...hope this helps.

  • Depends. Since I practiced attachment parenting with my first daughter, I was always there when she cried. With my second child, I let him cry a little especially when I know he's been fed,changed,burped, etc...he has to learn to self-sooth. But your baby is 1 month old..I'd go ahead. I would get a sling and wear him a lot. He's prolly needy like that. It's not bad at all.

  • I agree with the others. At this age, he needs as much comfort and reassurance as you can give him. It's a big world out there and he's a little, little guy. He also doesn't have the understanding that you don't cease to exist when he can't see you and his senses are not as acute as they'll be in a few months. You can't spoil him at this age, and chances are he's crying because he needs something, whether you (or he) can identify what it is or not. It's one of the great mysteries of this stage, unfortunately.

  • My baby will be 2 months old on 13 April. She does not cry much except for milk. If she has any pain or gas/burp problem , she just moves her head but does not cry. I don't know if this is normal.

  • My 5 week old baby boy  doesn't cry much unless hungry or dirty.  He cries a little when we start a bath, or changing a diaper, but soon quiets while I am in contact with him.  The only problem I am having is when he wakes at about 3am for a bottle, I cannot get the little bugger back to sleep without some serious work. 

    He is good at self-soothing during the day while napping.  I guess my real question is, Am I awful for being grateful to him for napping, so I can get work done around the house?  I can't hold him ALL the time.

  • Aloysius, of course you're not aweful for being grateful that your son naps well! My daughter is a good napper as well and I've been grateful for it from day 1! She's almost 7 months now :). If she didn't nap well I'd never get any housework done and sometimes I just need the quiet time myself to read or relax.

    As for the question of letting a 1 month old cry...I would say don't. Your baby needs to know you're there for him and that he'll be taken care of. If he keeps pushing his pacifier out of his mouth I would guess that he's actually being clever and trying to get you to pick him back up, he knows you come if he cries and he wants his mommy. Enjoy him while he's still so tiny, in almost no time at all he'll be a big boy, not want you to cuddle him, and will be talking back! Savor this time while he's little and wanting his Mama.

  • I actually read a magazine article about this last week.  It said that babies at this age need to be comforted when they cry.  Apparently one of the main reasons why they cry, other than the basics, is because they're afraid that you've disappeared.  According to what I read, the best way to soothe them is to go to them when they cry so that they know mommy is dependable. 

    In my opinion, it's a bit different when they get older.  When my daughter was 9 months-1 year old she started fighting sleep horribly.  I'd have to let her "cry it out" every night or she would never go to bed.  Enjoy that baby while you can, because things do change a lot when they get older.  I have a 4 year old that tells me she doesn't want me anymore when I discipline her.  That's really tough to deal with!

  • Thanks for all your input, everyone.  Actually, I don't let my baby cry much, unless I have to go warm the bottle, or get a burp cloth, etc.  My husband really thinks I'm spoiling him, but I told him that Quincy won't trust him if he doesn't respond to him.  I think DH will find out the real scoop on days when I am back at work, and it's his day to be Mr. Mom.

    Speaking of enjoying each stage, isn't it amazing how fast time goes?  My baby has so visibly changed in just 5 going on 6 weeks.  Soon he'll be 18 and going to college, and where has my baby gone!

  • Snap a lot of photos and videos! It never fails to amaze me how much time even 18 months can make, let alone 18 years!

  • I agree with so many of the posts -- do NOT let your newborn cry it out. My husband and my Mom think that it spoils a baby to comfort him whenever he cries, but I have done a lot of reading and I find that babies need comfort and reassurance ... interesting that my husband and Mom never read about babies and parenting -- I think they are stuck in the "old days" when people didn't know better ... they always fall back on the rationale that his Mom or my Mom did such-and-such or didn't do such-and-such and we turned out okay ... such ignorance is excusable back in the day when people really didn't know better, but with so much research available and readily accessible through the internet, etc. it is inexcusable -- my husband is just lazy and prefers the easy way out by ignoring the cries and trying to teach the baby to "be tough" ... funny how he can put in so much effort for taking care of his car or researching stuff about his car, but can't put in that kind of effort to be a great and understanding Dad (interestingly, he was the one who wanted so badly to have a child).

    Anyways, I say do NOT let your baby cry it out ... and I'll add that I find the book "What To Expect The First Year" to have very helpful advise on this and many other topics. Further, my baby's pediatrician said to not let the baby cry more than 10 minutes before comforting and reassuring him. And very importantly, you should make sure that the baby is not crying for a reason -- he may be hungry, need a diaper change, have a painful gas bubble stuck in his chest or tummy, have something painful bothering him like a thread or Mommy's hair caught on a body part, or a zipper being pressed into his skin, or diaper too tight or something that is not readily apparent -- you should definitley rule out all possible "real" (physical) problems before letting him cry for any amount of time, and also keep in mind that emotional reasons are valid and worthy of your time and attention as well -- babies have not developed the coping mechanisms that adults have and even adults need comforting at times.

    Still, I have not let my baby cry it out at all ... he is almost 6 months old, and "luckily" he does not cry much unless something is wrong ... I say "luckily" because there can be a correlation between how well you take care of your baby in reassuring/comforting him and how little he cries because he has learned to trust in you and that you'll come to his aid if he needs you.