Visitors in the hospital

I know everyone is very excited to visit a new family in the hospital after the baby is born. These days hospital stays are so short that any visitors are likely there within a few hours of birth and the mothers are quite exhausted. Do you think it’s a good idea to ask visitors to hold off until later or do you all not mind them coming? --Julie, StrongMoms Facilitator

Oh lord!!! Excellent post! I think it widely depends on the family. If you have a very overwhelming family then possibly there could be a better time for that first visit. but if you have a very relaxed group and the delivery wasn't long and drawn out then i don't see any reason to wait. I will tell you that when hazel was born there were many people there. My dad and step mom were actually walking into the maternity ward when she was born and could hear her screaming as they walked through the doors. After she was wiped down and the room was cleaned up and we had out time with Hazel then we allowed people to come in. I was EXAUSTED, I had been up all day the day before, i was induced that night at 8, and Hazel was born at 8 in the morning after a solid hour of pushing. So with visitors i didn't sleep for about 2 days it's not for the weak i can tell you that. 

My good friend just had a baby and she did kind of an interesting thing that I'm now thinking was pretty slick!  She started an e-mail list serve several weeks before the baby was born.  On it she let us all know what was going on and what the plans were.  Then we got the "baby was born" e-mail, and in it she included an invitation to meet baby.  She set aslde a three hour window on Sunday when vistors could come as well as a daily visiting hour.  I'm thinking this was a pretty good idea as then she wouldn't have to worry about visitors being there when the docs were, when she needed to sleep, when baby was resting, or when she needed time alone.  I was a bit taken back by it at first-but I now think it was a good idea.  What do you all think?

-Jess

The time that I gave birth we stayed in a private room so a lot of visitors come I didn't even have enough time to relax. I understand because it's our 1st baby and many are excited to see my little angel. When we arrived home many of my husband's office mate and neighbors also visited at home it's almost 1 week that I get enough relaxation.

I think it depends largely on the family and on the mother and on the TIME OF YEAR. Right now with the flu epidemic and all of the stomach viruses out there, I would not recommend having a lot of visitors in the hospital. When I had my 3rd child in Febrary 2009, I got pneumonia 3 days later....winter is a tough time!

I TOTALLY agree about limiting those that are coming in to see baby giving the number of flu cases we are seeing right now.  Those that do come need to make sure they eel well and need to wash hands well!

-jess

Yup! Hadn't even thought of flu season. Important for people to know that you need to keep everyone healthy! As a nurse, I see mothers and babies that are so exhausted and overstimulated that they have a hard time establishing breastfeeding, learning to care for their baby, and are just on the verge of a breakdown from exhaustion. I think Jess_Baby's friend's idea is FABULOUS. Of course everyone is excited and wants to meet your little one! Making sure there is time to do that is important but it's also important to get a good, calm start with your new one. She did a great job setting good boundaries and advocating for herself and her new family! 

I'm only going to have my mother and fiance in the labor room with me, but after that I don't mind having our immediate family (mom, dad siblings) visiting at the hospital. My fiance and I live about an hour away from everyone, so i know they'll really enjoy soaking up this time with my little one. But visiting will only be open to immediate family. We'll probably have a get together at our house when we bring the baby home for other family members and friends to meet the baby. At least in my own house i'll feel more at ease with all the people.

I'm still dealing with this issue myself. My fiance only wants my twin sis in there and himself. He wants to be able to share it with just me, and not have so many other people in there, which I totally get. But my older sister is upset because she wants to be in there too. I don't want an audience and am not comfortable with people watching the birth. They'll be at my shoulders. We've also learned about the first 2 "golden hours" and now have to discuss who can come in and see the baby right after birth and for how long. I don't like the idea of having everyone wait 2 hours to meet her, especially those who wanted to see the birth. It's hard because I don't want to hurt anyones feelings.

I really think that the mother, baby, and significant other should have some time to themselves after the baby is born. The mom will need this early bonding time. She may also be a little woozy or in some pain if she had a c-section. This is also the time she will be just learning to breastfeed. I purposely never go visit friends that have babies on the first day. I always go on the second day to give them some space. Those mom's typically get so many visitors on that second day that they become absolutely worn out--as if HAVING a baby wasn't enough!! I'm all for second day visits--with calling or texting ahead of time!

You guys all raise some good points. It is important to have that early bonding time. Breast feeding is established and mom/baby are being assessed and cared for. You'll be surprised how quickly those hours pass and you then you are cleaned up and ready for family to see your little one. It can be very helpful to have people stagger their visits so they are spread out over several days. Deciding who is able to be there for the actual delivery is always a touchy subject. Just stick to your guns and do what you feel is best for you and your partner. In the long run, that's what matters most. 

I like the idea of people waiting a while to visit or only having a few visitor at a time.. I personally don't visit in the hospital for friends, just because i know they will be having so many of their family visiting. so i do my visiting after they go home and are settled in... but when it's me whose just had the baby i would rather every one come at once or in a couple of shifts to get it over with. That way everyone gets to meet the baby, hold the baby, say hi, send their love blah, blah, blah...then i can rest the rest of the time in peace. However I can see how that may be exhausting for some people.

When I had my son I had visitors literally right after he was born. And he was born exactly at midnight too! I had a c-section and was pretty disoriented (I had to be out under due to the epidural no longer working on me). They only stayed briefly though and after that I had visitors all day it seemed like. Off and on throughout the day for the 3 days I was there (because of the c-section). I enjoyed several visitors though and showing off my son. I was VERY exhausted, but even when no one was there I couldn't sleep (too much excitement) at all. In those 3 days I think I got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep total.

MissPammie- Oh my goodness - you must have been delirious! It is so hard to sleep and get some rest when you are excited about your little one. Obviously you survived! :-) Do you think you'll do it all the same here with your second? 

My wife just delivered our fourth child, all via C-section. Since we are in  the hospital for five days, visitors, including our three children, have visited frequently. My wife wouldn't have it any other way, but you always have to put your baby's health and your health first. If a newborn mom is uncomfortable with visitors, they have every right to express this to friends and family.