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Hello mommies out there,
Iam a 1st time mom,and i have to say that i always scared when my baby cries,because my husband(he is a loving man by the way) always treat my baby like an adult,he always yelled when my baby cry,instead of soothing him he always try to tell him to "hush" or try to discipline our baby. He is a 5 month old baby boy.. my baby is a very easy baby from the day he is born,he never fuss or anything like that,i know my husband love him abundantly but i always scared that his baby will hate him because his dad always rough on him,I want my husband to be more gentle to his son like any other dad out there,we fought alot since our son is born.. seeing him treating my baby like that has made me have less love for him. we barely communicate anymore because he made me ill. Everytime i saw him treating him like that always make me angry and frustated :( for example he always read the bible and pray together with his son before he go to sleep(its kind of a routine) but when his baby fusses and start getting bored he is mad,i always told him "he is only a baby!! he dont understand what is praying about" he saw how painful and hard when i deliver his own son,and why he is treating him like that after he is born?? i dont believe in terms "tough love" because to me tough love is only leave a trauma in baby's memory :( is there any of you have a husband who always rough to your baby? please share to me .. thank you so much! Oh by the way my husband provide everything for my baby,he bought the most expensive toys,highchair,crib,playpen, etc etc,anything i want he always but it for him.. but when it comes to treat his son he always have a flaws... like i said earlier he LOVE his son but he is rough on him.. please help me to understand why there is a father like that!! thank you so much lovely ladies :)
First and foremost I am sorry you are going through this difficult time. You have to do anything in your power to protect your baby. Are you scared your husband is going to hurt the baby? If so, then you need to take steps to protect your child and that may mean making a tough decision about your marriage. If it is not a question of physical violence but rather inappropriate expectations or parenting styles, try to talk to your husband and voice your concerns. Let him read books about different parenting styles and even consider going to see a counselor. All of those things may help your husband learn to parent a baby better. IF there is any question or concern about your physical safety or the safety of your child...please do not hesitate to leave and seek help. Abuse of any kind is never okay and there are resources in your community that can help you make this tough choice. Let us know how it goes and if we can help in any way.
Thank you for the quick reply MommyRN4 :) actually my husband is not an abusive person(he is a very loving man),but when it comes to a crying baby,he never have patience.He is nice when the baby is not crying but when he cry or fusses he always become rough towards our baby :( (rough here means ignoring the baby or speak with a firm tone of voice to the baby) my baby always look for me when he is in his daddy's arms,its like he is trying to seek for help from mommy :( my hubby said he dont want his kid become spoil(since our baby is a BOY) i understand his way of trying to raise his baby to become a tough guy but i mean.. he is only 5 months old for Godsake!! i think its a bit too early for "tough guy" tittle. We both watch Nanny 911 and those little brats amazed us,on how rude their towards their parents,and curse their own parents with very bad words,maybe my husband dont want his son to become those little spoiled brats or whatnot. I spoke to him already(we spend hours by talking about how to raise our baby,i even bring up divorce once) and he finally agree to be gentle as a feather to our baby, only 1-3 days he is gentle but afterwards he is back to his "disciplinary daddy" mood :(:( what iam scared of his baby will hates him once he is growing up .. i just wanna know if there is anyone out there who have similar situation like what ive been facing right now
I agree with MommyRN4. Also I would like to add that maybe he doesn't understand how babies work. so Maybe when you see him handling a situation in a manner that you don't feel is acceptable you should step in and show him how he should be reacting. I find that my fiance doesn't always know how to handle a situation and will do it in his own way (which is usually the wrong way, and makes it worse) so i have learned that when i physically show him how he should handle the situation then he is much better in the future.
One more thing... You have brought up the nanny 911 stuff. I have seen the show also, and the way those kids act is horrendous. That being said most of the parents on there have let their children get away with everything and have catered to their every need resulting in a disrespectful spoiled little brat. You need trust, boundaries, and discipline (like consistent rules, and punishment when they are broken) from am early age to earn respect... it is not just given to you. 5 months is a bit too early for a baby to understand something like that. Heck my daughter is 11 months old and i'm struggling to get her to understand that i am serious when i say no, don't climb the couch, no don't climb the table, no don't pull on that cord, no don't pull the dogs ear, no don't bang on the fish tank... you get the picture. It takes time, consistency and patience... you will eventually get there. I hate to say it but if your husband is always hard on him, and doesn't leave any room for error then your son may grow up to resent him, but probably not hate him. I think that if you're still having issues with your husband being too harsh with your son you should suggest some counseling so that he can hear from someone who has a doctorate about how he could better handle the situation that would be appropriate to your sons age. I hope you are able to get the matter resolved.
Sorry you are going through this difficult time... The other posts have excellent points. Five months is definitely too soon to have "tough love" be effective. This has gone beyond a parental issue and is becoming a marital issue as well. Therefore, communicating everything you have communicated on the boards to your husband is key. It sounds like your husband is a great provider and wants to do the right thing. If that is the truth, than show him how you expect him to treat his son and discuss why he is hard on him. This is really complicated but you need to take proactive steps to improve the situation because it sounds like it is heading to a not so good place. Good luck!
I am glad to hear that he is not abusive :) The key here is that you both have different definitions of what being "tough" is. I would talk to him--keep talking to him and let him know that you agree that you don't want your child to be spoiled or to speak harshly to his parents..yet there is a way to establish firm rules and guidelines with children without being harsh or mean. Kids do need to know that there are limits and that their parents are to be listened to, but there are other ways to achieve this besides yelling or ignoring. Besides, a baby isn't a toddler and your husband has plenty of time to "cross that bridge". Remind him that your son is just a baby and needs to build up trust that no matter what HE needs his mommy and daddy are there to provide it--whether it is food, shelter, or just a little TLC when he is cranky. Once you establish that trust, it will be much easier for your little guy to grow up with a great respect for you both and that translates into a better behaved child and one that knows he is loved. I hope this helps, keep trying!!!
LoveofBernadeth, 5 months is too early to discipline the baby. Just tell your husband the nature of the baby that in that age or in that stage the baby still needs the parents patient. Showing love to your child is not only giving them expensive things instead your love also what makes them feel they are cared and secured.