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Im new to this and when I checked it out, I thought what a great place to meet other moms and make new friends. Im currently 6 months pregnant with a boy. This is my 2nd child, my oldest is 11. My worry and concern is, will there be problems between them considering there is such a age gap? My 11 year old is a very laid back, go with the flow young man. However, he is already showing signs of jealousy. Hes asking questions like am I going to love the baby more than I love him, and will I forget about him. I know the age gap is huge, but I had my 1st when I was 19, and never expected another one. Im am so very blessed and excited about this. I just know that my 11 year old has been an only child for so long, I just hope he can handle this huge change in his life. Does anyone have any ways or ideas to help me out with this?? Ill appreciate all input :)
Well first i want to welcome you to the site and congratulate you on your second baby! I think it is completely normal for all children to have fears about their position in the family when a new baby enters it. That being said all you can do is reassure him that you do and always will love him no matter what. I think it will also be important for you to explain to him that when the baby comes he will be so tiny and won't be able to do anything for himself and will need a lot of your attention for a while, but even then you will still love your oldest just the same. And since your son is older he will be able to help out a lot more than younger kids. He will be able to help feed the baby, change him, play with him, teach him new things... and since they are the same gender you can also get your older son about teaching his little brother all about being a boy. and lastly make sure you get a sitter so you can have one on one time with your older son so that you can reassure him that you still love him and that he is also important.... anyway it will all work out.
Well first of all welcome to the site and congrats on your pregnancy! That is really exciting. I think that your son is showing "normal" anticipation of being a big brother and having to share mom with another child. We don't think of an 11 year old of being young, but they really, really are. It will be very important for your son to understand that he is and will always be very special to you. It might be a good idea to set aside a certain time and day of the week that will be his special time every week. He needs to know that he will still be a priority in your life. He also needs to know how important he is as a big brother and that he will have a very important role in that babies life. I'd also assure him that it is normal for him to be feeling uneasy about this. Change, no matter if it's a good change (as this is) or a hard change affects the body in the same way. Lots of love to him! Please let us know how things are going,
Welcome! So glad you are on StrongMoms! The other posters gave you some great advice. I think your little boy is really just old enough to verbalize the things that all siblings go through but maybe can't verbalize if they are younger. I'd work hard on keeping the major things in his routine the same - the way you tuck him in at night, who picks him up from school, etc. Maybe finding a fun activity/sport for him to do that you can go cheer him on at would be a good distraction and source of pride for him. Most of all - talk the baby up to him so that he feels like his brother/sister really loves and adores him. It'll all work out. :-)
Get him involved with the baby. Make him feel important and have him help out. If he is interested, teach him things about babies, such as "The baby sees best a few inches from your face." Just make sure to give him attention too.
Just wanted to check in with you and see how things are going. It's been a few days since you posted so I was curious if there is anything else we can do to support you.
Thank you so much for the advice. Sorry I havent been on much lately, came down with a nasty cold and today Im starting to finally feel much better. Anyhow, Ive have sat my son down and explained everything to him, and let him know that he will always have a very special place in my heart and that I will always love him as much as the baby. The great news, (thanks to all the advice) is that he is very excited about the baby. In fact, he has been looking at items we need for the baby, and hes even been wanting to spend his own saved money on things for the baby. My son is huge into baseball and when I told him that he is going to be the one to teach the baby when he gets older how to play, I think that hit the spot because his eyes just lit up. He rubs my stomach and speaks to the baby now all the time. He loves to feel when the baby kicks,. and likes to watch when the baby is moving around. Im so glad to have joined this group and read all the advice because it helped tremendously, Thank you again for everything. I think I now have a very happy and excited soon to be big brother. :)
Awww, such a great update!! It warms my heart to hear how excited your son is now! :-) My 3 year old LOVES football and I always have him "show his brother" how he does different stuff related to football. He now really enjoys teaching him and showing him whatever he does. Great job getting him into the baby - he sounds like a really great kid. :-)