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I have a 5 month old beautiful baby girl, and I'm about 6 weeks pregnant. The past 3 weeks I have become the perfect wife. Even though I work 3rd shift(only 3 days but still!) The house is clean every day and I cook for him, and I am the one that takes care of our daughter.
Well the last 4 days I've been exhausted, and sleeping most of the time. The house got a little messy, and I have not been cooking dinner. I make him breakfast every day though.
Another note, we're not married, we're not engaged, I'm just being a super amazing gf. I love him, I want him to be happy, but sometimes it feels like I do all the work and it's not fair.
Well last night his xbox headset broke and he got upset. I was sleeping and I just woke up to pee, and I hear him mumbling around the house, "all she does is fucking sleep, she did this shit in Milwauakee."
I go out and confront him, "If you have an issue tell it to my face. Don't mumble around the house talking shit."
He says, "Don't come at me like that." etc etc etc.
Well, I couldn't fall back asleep, bc I was upset. So I decided to clean up the house, if I'm going to be up and I always clean when I'm upset. So I'm doing the dishes and he comes up to me and says he's sorry. I'm still upset so I'm like w/e its fine. He stands there a bit and I just ignore him, so he goes back to playing his games. He "helps" out a bit when I clean and vaccum the living room, I then go to bed. He comes in and asks if I'm ok, I was still upset, but I told him it was getting better, which it was.
My issue is, I feel like I do everything, and he expects it, so I don't get any thanks you or the house looks nice. When I bring it up he's like I clean up after myself...(-_-)...and I help with Brielle. He does not I feed her I change her, I'm the one who plays with her. he'll hold her for about 20 mins 3x a day.
This might be more of a rant, but anyone else going through this? Should I try and talk to him about how I feel, in a different way? and how?
Especially not that I'm pregnant and tired all the time, I would just like a little help. He feels like since he works 5 days a week and I don't he shouldn't have to do anything when he comes home.
I know the feeling. When i was pregnant with my daughter I worked 40 plus hours a week and still had to do the dishes, laundry, feed, clean up after, and walk the dogs multiple times a day ( and we lived on the second story of an apartment complex), pay the bills, make dinner ect... you get the picture. My fiance is a contractor so the majority of the time he was looking for work, but usually did nothing else to help me.. So i can totally understand what you are going through. Now that our daughter is born I am a stay at home mom and still do EVERYTHING except make the money. I often have to get onto my fiance because he doesn't play with our daughter enough, especially on the weekends when he doesn't work. He will spend his whole day on the computer, watching fishing shows, or working on his money pit of a boat... but not with his daughter.... He has gotten better because of my nagging and referencing to my relationship with my own dad (who i rarely saw when i was young, and even when we were around him he usually didn't really spend time with us)... I had seen him once last year and talked to him about 3 times throughout the year. I simply say is that the relationship you want with your children when they get older... not really knowing them, or your grandchildren just because you simply wouldn't take the time to know them when they were little.... anyhow you can try talking to him a reason with him, but i fear you may have to battle it out just like i did. If he cares he will straighten up.
Yea, I just know when I try and talk about something if he doesn't want to hear it he just shuts down. It'll just take time, I know. He's become a much better man for me, he's really grown up. He's a work in progress but I know he tries and it takes him time. Just feel like it's not fair, and his excuse is he works and makes the money. How am I suppose to make an argument, he is the pbw I don't make half of one of his checks, but I work just as hard if not harder than he does.
I say staying at home is FAR harder than working out of the house. I work 4 days a week and find that my time at work is actually a break and my home time is much more exhausting. My husband lost his job and has been staying home with the kids. He told me that he now knows that staying at home with the kids is easily double the work of going to the office. Maybe we should all just have our dads stay home for a few months with the kids as a routine thing. :-p
All kidding aside, I'd try to find some ways to share the load a little more. Perhaps you can find a major chore or two that he'd be willing to pitch in with and make your pregnancy a little easier. Maybe you could schedule some time where he has your daughter for an hour or two each week so that you can go do something for yourself, even if it's just a little walk alone to clear your head. Make sure he knows how much you appreciate how hard he works and that you see that. I think guys like to be recognized for their contribution as well...hope something works out for you!
I'll have to think of something he can do, and I don't think an hour will get him to understand a few weeks lol he just sets her down so he can play video games. Being a stay at home is work and he doesn't get that, he's like all you do is sit around the house. I'm like i'm sorry I didn't know we had a cleaning fairy and cook. I love being at home with my daughter don't get me wrong, but on top of having a job too, and its 3rd shift so I never get sleep on the days I work.
3rd shift is TOUGH work. I don't know how you make it with no sleep at all...ugh. I'm sorry you aren't receiving a lot of appreciation at home. It's tough when your hard work and efforts aren't recognized. :-( What was your husband's relationship with his mother like? Often times that has a lot to do with how his relationship is with you. Did she do a lot for him? Was she very available or not? Maybe understanding that relationship will help you a bit with your own marriage.
I would try to talk to him about how you feel and if he doesnt believe you bring up the exhaustion at a dr appt that he happens to be there at and let the dr kind of be the one to say something. Maybe if he hears about it from someone else he'll actually realize that you really shouldnt be exhausting yourself. I would also try telling him how you feel and more than that I would try to make him understand how it feels for his daughter. This is important bonding time for the 2 of them!! My guy and I split when my son was a little over one but even before that my son never cared when his dad left or when he wasnt around because whenever my man was home he would ignore him and play games etc... He didnt care at the time because my son was a baby. While we were split my son never asked about him or even seemed to know what role he played to him. But as my son got a little older and was more interesting his dad finally wanted something to do with him but my son didnt wantt anything to do with him. It took a while before they were able to make a good bond and it really crushed his dad when he realized he was an idiot and missed out on some awesome moments with my son because of it.
PediNurseJulie1-I know! That's how I feel, never get any sleep and then have to work all day with Bree then actual work all over again...haha but the lack of appreciation does suck. His relationship with his mother is not good (in my opinion) but he has a great relationship with his grandma and she does everything for him. He knows how to do things but he thinks, since he pays the bills he shouldn't have to work around the house.
Katlizus18- I was going to do that, that could actually make him see. I told him about having a good relationship with her. (He has a 4 year old that he doesn't have a good relationship with bc he went to college and did really get to see her until she was 2 and her mom is...not a nice lady...and makes it H3ll to see his other daughter) He seems to have taken more interest in her, he plays with her more but that's about it.
To All- He's taking her to his family for basically 3 days and they work so he'll have to take care of her mostly on his own. I'm worried bc idk if he can do it. I'm also excited bc maybe he'll see how hard it is to take care of her...prob not but maybe (: lol
First of all congratulations on being a super mom!
I am going through something similar, I gave birth to a baby boy on May 4th, and my fiancee has been supportive when he wants to be, other times he can be a jerk. I lost my job while I was 8 months pregnant working in retail, my fiances car broke down a few months prior so we are driving my car currently. Because I am not working I offered him my car to drive to and from work, so now I am stuck in the house all day with baby till he gets home. Lately I've been pretty grouchy towards him, so he asked me yesterday if I'm going through postpartum or something and then he asked if there was anything he could change? So I was like yea you could get a car. I mean if you don't want the answer then don't ask. So then he flipped out on me while we were on the road in the car, windows rolled down so that whatever he said people around could hear it. He was making me feel like crap talking about... oh you don't bring anything to the table you have never helped me pay rent in 6 yrs, maybe I could get a car if you helped pay on it....so forth and so on...but my thing is this...if I don't bring anything to the table then why the heck did you ask me to marry you and why the heck did you get me pregnant?? Better yet why are we still together? I mean sometimes men can be complete jerks and I honestly am reconsidering marrying him....I am thankful for him because he works full time and works a part time job on friday and saturday but I am doing the best that I can right now. I am not trying to go back to work for a while because I want to be near my baby. I am just tired of his immaturity and him always talking loud when we get into arguments so that ppl can hear what my issues are, it doesn't make me feel good and actually makes me hate him all the more. I can only pray at this point that the Lord directs my path and leads me in the right direction because at this point I'm lost, tired and have no drive whatsoever. No one told me that it would be like this.
My boyfriends was exactly that way when I was on maternatiy leave. He wasn't use to be the responsible one and it was a really hard transition. We almost split for real, it was really bad for a couple months. He's made it though and came to terms with it, and I think we're better bc of it. He still thinks I should do everything, but he's more willing to help, and he doesn't get angry with me anymore for not bringing in much money. Hopefully he matured a little for you as well, there must have been a reason you said yes, so stay strong and try and work things out. Communication is the best policy (:
Thanks you guys, it's a lot less stressful lately. I think I was just trying to do too much, too soon.