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roles in our society continue to blur every year, especially when it comes to
dads. Once seen as the sole provider and disciplinarian for the family, dads
today are often seen more as equal partners to moms and shouldering more
domestic responsibility. In my family, I'm the "breadwinner," and my
husband often says that if he could, he'd stay home with the kids while I am
off at work.
Yeah, I was floored too when I heard that, since it's the total
opposite of how I was raised.But though it's not really financially feasible
for him to be a stay-at-home-dad, we make sure that we are equal partners in
all things domestic. It's what keeps our relationship on-course and neither of
us resenting the other for an uneven balance of responsibility. How do you see
the role of the dad in today's modern family? Are you sticking with tradition
or riding the newer way of tag-team parenting?
I think the biggest changes I've seen are that Dads (working or SAHD) are more engaged with their children now than ever before. I can't wait to come home and hang out with my boy, and it's tough to leave on business trips. But, I can't say the same for Dad's from the previous generation - it seems that they were a bit more hands off, except maybe when it came to discipline!
I agree and I think a lot of it has to do with working moms. My husband has no choice but to be involved, because even though I work at home, he still has to take over childcare during that time.
I also think it strengthens father/child relationships and is such a good thing.
I think you're so right. My dad worked at night and slept all day, so I never really had much of a relationship with him (though I love him dearly). My mom worked too, but she still had the main responsibilities of raising us. One of the things that I wanted for my kids was a dad who was really involved. What I love about my marriage (though it's my second) is that we are both our kids' main source of guidance and support. We trade off who watches which kid and when. I didn't have that growing up or in my first marriage, and the difference is huge.
I was fortunate enough that even though my father was busy growing up, he made time for us every day. It strongly influenced my own views on raising children. I love my daughter and even at her grumpiest points, just being there for her makes me happy. My wife and I both love her very much, and work together to do everything we can to provide for her. Each of us spends as much time with her as we can, and we both work to share activities. And even though my daughter is in a mommy phase, she still knows I am there for her and will run to me anytime she needs something (assuming mom isn't around to run to first ).
just my 2 cents, in my second marriage we adopt a baby boy, he was 3 months and right in there he just become my life, love to spend time with him and do everything with him, be able to kiss him good night and see him in the mornings was something that i always look forward to, my dad is more the kind of kisses and hug was for girls and not for guys, he will paly and spend time with me but limited, growing up like that make me desire to be diferent with my kids, spoil them as much i could and never stop kissing them and huging them, my baby boy now he is 7 and he live with her mother in other state, but we still talk, i also have a baby girl she is only 4 months old but she is not living with me i dont see her as much i will love to but when i see her for those 2 hours i make sure that she know that daddy is here and even she is so little i kiss her every second i hold her for the 2 hours and try to make the best, what im trying to say is that for some people dads are only here to pay for a bill, to say something to the kids when they do something wrong, and so far not a lot of people has yet undertood that we are part of our kids life and that in the case of many including my self we will love to be around and play with them to share and activity as well a diper change or to get up in the middle of the night to get a bottle and feed him/her. i guess i just stick to the modern way and make the best of with my kids, life is to short to be to busy at work and not to spend time with them.
My home life was a blur, my parents divorced and my dad got shipped off to prison when I was in 2nd grade so needless to say I had a mom/dad in one. She was and is my everything. Even though I'm married, living on my own with 2 almost 3 kids, I still look for my mother's approval. She got remarried when I was 13 and my brother 18, so we had already done all our growing without a father. I'm just in the beginning stages of any kind of relationship with my step-dad. That all being said, my husband is a bit of both, old school and new school daddy. We started dating when my oldest was 14 months old, and he's been more of a constant in his life than his biological father until recently. My husband however, is barely getting the hang of being a dad and our son will be 4 in august with my oldest turning 6 in may, and baby 3 due in march. he's gotten better, but he's stressed because he's the main bread winner and if we lived anywhere else, it'd be fine but we pay out so much more. I work too but because our shifts allow it, I work part time from 7am to 12pm and when I get home he goes straight to work. it's hard not seeing eachother, but we make it work. He's home with the boys in the morning then i get them from noon on. It's hard sometimes just remembering that its only for a little while that we'll be this stressed.
My husband is the greatest dad! We both work, although I can work from home several days a week and Keep my baby girl with me all the time. She works with me and I love it! But, I couldn't do that if my husband weren't as amazing as he is. He says the same thing...that he'd stay at home if he could. Let's give a huge praise to all the dads that are amazing. Who pitch in and help. who love being dads. Who don't mind taking responsibility for feedings at night along with moms. We're a team and I'm so glad that's how my baby girl will see her parents! Give your husband "praise me" points!
My fiance is a fantastic dad. Right now, he is a SAHD. I wake up at 5:30am every day to get ready, and usually do not get home from work until 5:30pm. He takes the 6:00am feeding while I am getting ready, and takes care of her the whole day I am at work. She is 2 months now, and he just recently started calling me whenever she is talking up a storm so I can hear her. I always come home to a clean, fed, burped, happy baby. Before I went back to work, he never changed diapers, clothes, or gave her a bath. Now he is a pro at all of the above. If she ever gets up in the middle of the night, he takes care of her because he knows I have to go to work. On my days off, he lets me take care of the feedings and such because I miss doing it the rest of the week. I enjoy taking care of her much more since it seems more like a priviledge and less like a chore. Sometimes I think he gets less sleep than I do!
I really wish my husband could work at home. I think it would be the greatest. I've tried to talk him into nursing school, so he can do the same job I do, but he is not having any of that.
I am also the primary bread-winner in the family. I do a lot of the work around the house as well, but I'm learning that I need to tell my boyfriend when it's his turn for dishes or that he needs to wash his laundry. He usually gets distracted and forgets. He doesn't mind cooking from time to time, I think he actually enjoys it. He has been keeping my daughter during one of his off days every week so that he don't need as much childcare and when the new baby comes he will be taking them both on both his days off. That way our children will only need a sitter 3 days a week! We're going to pay my mom to watch them, but I really like the idea of them getting more time with parents.
If my mom wouldn't watch our children, we'd probably consider a SAHD option. We pay my mom, but it's a more reasonable rate then other places would offer. Not only that, with us both working 2nd shift it would be a bit more difficult to find a good quality sitter.
jnjfischer50 - I'm glad you are able to work it out so well! I hope we can work out something as good for us when we have our second child.