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My hustband asked why I am avoiding him. I was taken by surprise. I know I have been very busy with my 7 month old. I have most of the house work to do. I wash bottles almost every night ect. I work full time and only get to sit down around 7:00pm. I love my life but I am tired by 8:30. Where do I find the energy for him?
I WOULD RECCOMEND "MAKING TIME" FOR YOUR HUSBAND. BEING A MOM IS A 24/7 JOB, YET YOU CAN ALWAYS BALANCE EVERYTHING OUT. SINCE YOUR BABY IS 7 MONTHS, IS THEIR ANYBODY WHO CAN BABYSIT FOR THE AFTERNOON OR NIGHT? IN THIS TIME, YOU CAN CATCH UP WITH WHATEVER IS GOING IN YOUR LIFE. I HAVE A NEWBORN AND HE CONSUMES ALL OF MY TIME. MY HUSBAND LOOKS EXHAUSTED/TIRED, WHICH MAKES ME FEEL BAD. SO, I TRY TO DO LITTLE THINGS FOR HIM THAT ONLY TAKE LESS THAN 5 MINUTES..I MEAN, WHEN I WAKE UP AT NIGHT TO NURSE MY SON I SOMETIMES LEAVE HIM *LOVE NOTES* IN THE BATHROOM MIRROR, MAKE HIS LUNCH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT (NOT ALWAYS), TEXT MESSAGE HIM WHEN I HAVE A SECOND..I DO RANDOM LITTLE THINGS TO LET HIM KNOW THAT HIS LOVED & APPRECIATED..MOST IMPORTANT HE UNDERSTANDS..OUR SON HAS CHANGED BOTH OUR LIVES..I CAN IMAGINE THAT YOUR EXHAUSED/TIRED..BUT YOUR STILL A WIFE AND HAVE THAT RESPONSIBILITY..SO, WHENEVER YOU HAVE 2 MINUTES TO SPARE..TRY TO DO SOMETHING OUT OF THE BLUE FOR HIM..SO, GOOD LUCK!
One of the things that makes my marriage work since our daughter was born two years ago is that my husband and I split up responsibilities. We have a good balance of housework and childcare duties, which enables us to spend time together without being exhausted. Tonight, for instance, he put the baby to bed (which I usually do) so I could get some work done on the computer. Maybe look into splitting up the day's work and see if that helps relieve some of the stress on you.
I agree with writemommy that you should try to split the housework some. I'm having a pretty hard time with doing this in my house, but we're working on it. Although my boyfriend will carry the groceries into the house and he helps out a lot with my daughter, I do pretty much all of the cleaning. It's not fair that these repsonsibilities should go soley to the woman. I work at least as much as he does and I commute an hour each way whereas he has to drive about 5 minutes. He gets lots of downtime to play video games or watch movies whereas I might get an hour at night after work if I want to cut into my sleep time. We're expecting another child in June and I'm trying to stress to him that things really need to change before then. When he feels like you don't make enough time for him, let him know how overwhelmed you are. Ask him if he could take on some responsibilites. Just taking turns with dishes or cooking could be a major relief.
I second "making time". As a husband and a father I understand being exhuasted AND not feeling close anymore. I work to take on household chores such as dishes and trash and pick up after myself to help out, and we both work to show each other we are still romanticly interested in one another. It really makes a difference in how we feel, how we act, how we treat one another and those around us.
I have a 6month old and my husband thinks that i should just drop whatever iam doing to spend time with him. I just guess its a man thing. I dont know who is worse the BABY that cant fend for her self or the MAN that is going threw separation issues. HAHA
Thanks to everyone for the wonderful advise. I love this site. I had to laugh at Charmed 09. Thank you for the sympathy. I do believe he gets a little gealous of the baby :) I'm going to take that as a compliment and be greatful that he still wants my attention. Thanks again everybody!
The only way things work out is if you communicate each other the way that you are feeling....
That is the way my husband and I are doing...plus remember it took the both of you to make the baby so should be the same to raise him/her.
I think my dh is feeling a little neglected. He says I am not as "happy go lucky" as I used to be. I think it is because the responsibility of raising two children and working from home weighs me down. There is so much to get done, that I have a very hard time relaxing. I need to remind myself that the mess can wait and pay some attention to him.
Good advice for all of us BabyNurse3. Us dads need to make sure we
pay attention to our wives too - raising children takes a lot of
effort, and if I can help mine feel a little more rested and relaxed it makes me
feel better because I know how much she appreciates it
I have a different problem that sorta goes right along with this.. I always try and make it my goal to make time for my man- sometimes i get a chance, sometimes we are BOTH too tired...
But how do I get him to see me as his girlfriend rather than our sons mother??
He is the best man ever and is soo suportive of me and tells me all the time how great of a mother I am but he lacks to tell me how great of a GIRLFRIEND I am..
I tell him all the time what a good dad AND boyfriend he is but he dont ever get a hint..
How do I make him see me as a seperate person ? Dont get me wrong I love being a mommy 24-7 but I miss being his lil woman too..
Well open communication can go a long way - telling him how you feel and what your desires in your relationship are can easily go a long way. If you prefer there is always the option to let him know you're not just a mother still. Even though my wife is a mother, I often let her know she is more than just that because I like her to know I am more than just a father as well. You could try reminding him of the special bond between each other beyond parenthood through romantic and personally connected (things that connect in each of you on a personal level such as shared pleasures and preferences) methods of intimacy.