Baby's First Year

Re: spoiled infant

Wolfie21384 — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 01:51:41 GMT

My little one just turned 19 weeks old and I can tell you that the screaming does end eventually. And there is no way to spoil a baby under 6 months old. When they first arrive in this world they are cold, hungry, and feeling very small in a very large place. A parents job at that point is to comfort their baby while they grow into little people who can eventually help themselves calm down and get things. When my little girl was just born she would cry for me all the time when she wasn't sleeping or in my arms. After about 6 weeks though, she started to stop crying so loudly because she knew that I would get her and love on her. Now I can put her down and walk away from her to go do things that need to be done and she will remain calm if she can see or hear me. I also recommend "The Happiest Baby on the Block". I read it and saw the DVD. The techniques are a lifesaver for a parent with a fussy baby.

If it gets soo bad that you can't do anything without holding your baby, ask friends and family for help around the house. It gets your baby used to other people, you get to be with friends and family, and your house stays clean. :) Good luck.

Re: spoiled infant

KristaAnne82 — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 06:11:41 GMT

for those of you that dont feel like you can hold your little one all the time when they want you to, have you tried using a sling? these tend to work, and allow you to have both hands free to get household tasks done, or even a moment to have a snack.

I also agree that little babies cant be spoiled. Good luck.

Re: spoiled infant

jellybeanblue — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 00:15:29 GMT

If you read my whole post you would see that I also said people don't understand unless they experience it themselves!

I've had a csection, and will most likely be having another in the next six weeks or so. And if *you* had read *my* post, you'd realize that I clearly said "picking up your infant when he or she needs you (barring when YOU need to go to the bathroom or feed yourself, etc) is NOT spoiling the child". Obviously there are times you physically can't be with your child - and you do need to take care of yourself. But to the extent of leaving your child to scream, turn purple and not breathe? I think not - nor does my pedi.

Have you ever heard a 2 year-old just continue to talk and talk for 30 minutes straight which no one can understand a word! Does the child need the parents attention who most likely is getting other things done and has zoned out the child after the first 5 minutes or is he learning to talk and communicate. Its the same thing!

LOL. Hardly. The only way a newborn has to communicate is to cry - and all he learns by being left alone is that his needs and attempts to communicate aren't important. Not to mention, a newborn and a two year old are VASTLY different in their mental capacities! As the baby grows, he or she is more capable of learning to selfsoothe, but not at mere weeks old.

As a parent there is NO possible way for you to hold your child every single second of the day!

True. But there is such a thing as a sling. It cuts down on the crying immensely, you have your hands free to get other things done, and the baby feels close and comforted.

Re: spoiled infant

adenson — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 17:58:55 GMT

I am sorry, I was unaware that you see every second and angle of our lives.

No one said that we don't pick up our child! I hold my son plenty which does not need to be validated to anyone. But my husband works 18 hour days, and after a c-section you have to go to the bathroom. It is nothing you can hold or you will be wearing the proof in red on your jeans. When my son has a clean, fresh diaper, a full belly, is in no harm or pain, and does not have gas or any other reason to cry besides to hear himself and be held its okay not to hold him! Ask your pediatrician! They will tell you that it is okay to allow a baby to cry for an entire 30 minutes without interrupting as young as newborn if you know all other things are meet. How do you think babies learn to self soothe! Its not about neglecting your child or putting yourself first! If you read my whole post you would see that I also said people don't understand unless they experience it themselves! Its not that I get "tired of hearing" my son! How dare you imply such things on such a common problem that obviously other parents experience or they wouldn't have this chat topic! Have you ever heard a 2 year-old just continue to talk and talk for 30 minutes straight which no one can understand a word! Does the child need the parents attention who most likely is getting other things done and has zoned out the child after the first 5 minutes or is he learning to talk and communicate. Its the same thing! As a parent there is NO possible way for you to hold your child every single second of the day! And if you do... You will probably come across a whole new set of problems as your child gets older. So this is not about neglecting your infants needs at all! I don't recall reading that anyone said they expected anything to be easy or "a walk in the park." Definitely NO one said they are walking away from being a mother by using the restroom!

Re: spoiled infant

jellybeanblue — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 20:06:50 GMT

I'm sorry, I just have to jump in here.

Picking up your INFANT when he or she needs you (barring when YOU need to go to the bathroom or feed yourself, etc) is NOT spoiling the child. It's teaching them that you are there when they need you - and at this stage, they do need you. They need you to feed them, to hold them and comfort them and to make them feel safe. That's what a parent does.

It's hard. It's frustrating. But parenthood isn't a walk in the park, and a baby isn't something you can mute when you're tired of hearing them, or turn on when you feel like being a mother.

Re: spoiled infant

adenson — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 23:20:55 GMT

I know!! No one understands that a baby can be spoiled until you have one! Babies aren't stupid by all means! They know when they cry they get picked up! It has gotten a lot better!! He still has his moments where he does want to be held to be happy and we are sure to give him a lot of holding and affection, but sometimes I just have to be able to go to the bathroom!!! What I have found that works for us is I switched his formula to Similac Sensitive. I still breastfeed sometimes, but he just has a big appetite and isn't getting as full as he needs to be with me even after feeding for an hour. Sometime he wants different things. So sometimes its the swing and sometimes its his tummy time mat. Also, when he falls asleep in my arms if I lay him on his belly he stays asleep. I know they say not to because of SIDS, so I do watch him close. He just seems to be more comfortable that way. Since before we even left the hospital, he would scream until he turned purple in the bassinett. He would only sleep with my husband or myself holding him. I have been trying to get him in his crib for naptimes to break him in, and he cries for about fifteen minutes, but will finally fall asleep. For me it has taken patience... a lot of patience..... My only real advice is keep trying different things. Every little one is different and you will figure something out that works for your baby!!! You have an 8 year old so I am sure you have patience!!! Good luck!!!!

Re: spoiled infant

StrongDad07 — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 19:08:05 GMT

Trice209 - I think we've all been through that at some point... A lot parents here have had some great suggestions already for tips to try that may help. If you want to look around, ask some questions, or tell us a little more about yourself and your family we'd all love to help you with any advice we can too . Welcome to the community (and I hope a a little quiet can be our gift)!

Re: spoiled infant

Trice209 — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 02:00:11 GMT

OMG!! I am so happy (sorry..not that he cries) but that someone else is experiencing what I am going through. Does it end??? I have an eight year old that was the BEST baby a parent could ask for but my second....is four weeks old almost five weeks and he is tearing me a new one. I can deal with getting little sleep but the screaming...

Re: spoiled infant

RobynK — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 02:47:30 GMT

You can NOT spoil and infant -- the first three months they need to be held, swaddled, cuddled and loved as much as possible. They have been "held" in your womb 24x7 for 9 months. To come into the world and be held less than that is scary to them -- they love you and need to be in your arms as much as possible.

PLEASE read the Happiest Baby on the Block or buy/rent the DVD. It will explain everything about "the fourth trimester" which is what you are experiencing. It will get better at 4 months.

Re: spoiled infant

adenson — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 02:14:31 GMT

I have a 5 week old little boy and I agree that it is very possible for him to be spoiled!! He does the same thing anytime I put him down. He will scream until he is purple in the face and not breathing, and then the second you pick him up he quits crying immediately! I cannot possibly hold him all of the time. I have been breastfeeding as well and it seems that he is always eating and never gets full. I have started giving him soy formula and he is so much happier!! He even slept in his crib for the first time today!! I know how frustrating it gets, but hang in there!! Soon you will find something that helps for her.

Re: spoiled infant

StrongDad07 — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 19:47:16 GMT

At 6 weeks old she certainly isn't spoiled, just scared and lonely. Pick her up as much as you can right now. If you can't and she's crying, there are great techniques to simulate a parents embrace such as:

swaddling (feels like being wrapped in your arms)

rocking machine or swings set to very low (feel like a parent rocking them)

white noise (sounds like the womb)

If she seems to be having problems still it may be something medical such as gas or more severe in which case you should consult a pediatrician.

Re: spoiled infant

tracy5 — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 14:06:23 GMT

Pick her up! I used to think the same thing. Spoiled! You can't spoil a newborn. She needs to know you are there for her. You will notice if you go to her more her cries will change because she will be confident you will be there the next time she is upset. It's is a very good thing that she stops when you pick her up. In Mommy's arms she knows she is safe.

Re: spoiled infant

madion — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 22:52:17 GMT

I feel your frustration. 6 weeks is when I noticed my baby crying a lot more. She would calm down when I would hold her but not all the time. We finally found out she has a milk protein allergy and was in pain most of the time. Now she's on specail formula and is a different baby. Some crying is normal, but not when it seems like your baby is miserable like ours did. I still hold her all the time, but now she's usually smiling instead of crying. See your pediatrician about possible medical problems. good luck.

Re: spoiled infant

Specialkmom — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 05:14:57 GMT

I agree to check for gas and give a little mylicon

Re: spoiled infant

sjwunderlich — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 03:31:59 GMT

I have to agree that they can't be spoiled at 6 wks old. I recently had the same problem with my daughter. I noticed that her tummy would be very tight likely d/t gas, so I bought some gas drops at wal-mart called mylicon which worked really well. She also has acid reflux and would scream like 15min after eating, now we just give her a little medicine twice a day. They say white noise does wonders, maybe try a fan on low or you can buy little teddies that play a heart beat sound which may help sooth her.