Join the
See what moms are talking about today
Share Your
View or share your favorite baby photos
From pregnancy to motherhood, every mom has questions or could use some support. Join the conversation to learn from or help other moms just like you.
Similac® StrongMoms®
Join now to get nutritional guidance and up to $329* in benefits
What are the benefits of membership?
ok so me and my babys father have a daughter who is 8 months old, and we have another on the way im due july 26th. i try to talk to him about working things out between us because we arent together. One day he will say he wants to move in together and try to work things out and the next day he tells me he doesnt want to because hes not ready to yet. he wants to see other people still. hes been messing with my head for months now and i dont know how to deal with it. i try not to freak out on him because that just makes it worse. so ive stopped talking to him for now. even his family has been trying to get him to do the right thing. he thinks just being there financially is enough, ive been trying to explain to him that me and our daughter (and baby on the way) need more than that. i was alone the first pregnancy the entire time and it seems like its going to be the same thing this time. i dont know what to do or even how to take it?! :(
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this - what a hard thing to endure while going through your pregnancy. There is no magic answer I can give you, although I wish I could, except to say that your babies are the first priority here. Whether or not their dad will commit to you, I hope that you two can figure out a way that he can be in their lives. I hope you also know that everyone deserves to be with someone who really wants to be with them and is 100% committed to them. Don't settle for someone who is skipping out on you all the time - you are worth being loved and adored! *hugs*
Well let me just say it is hard to do things alone... I am only 19 and i know where you are coming from. Trust me i know its hard but if he dont want to be there for his kid then its his loss trust me... Because in the end he is going to miss out on the first day of Kindergarden.. Hes the one missing out and if he wants it like that i mean theres childsupport that can help u out with the baby... but you cant make someone make the right desision they have to make it on their own. Ive chose the path i have and im enjoying it every min so far... Yea its hard but hey id do anything for my little girl.. and things are different between me and my babys so called dad... i jus thought id let u know my side!
Unfortunately, you can not make your child's father step up and take responsibility if he doesn't want to. There are things you can do legally, but if your baby's father does not want to be a full time daddy, then you are both better off finding someone who will love you both 100% the way you need to be loved. Good luck and try focusing the next several months on surrounding yourself with people who will be supportive and loving. Even without a "full time" dad, your children can feel safe and secure surrounded by a great support system of family and friends. Thanks
It really sounds like he is not ready, though I'm not sure if he's not ready for fatherly responsibilities, or ready for being with you. From the way it sounds, it's both, especially not being ready to be a father. He does not understand that your children need more than just money from him. This is something he may have to find out the hard way, when his kids are asking him why weren't you there. I'm sorry that you have to go through this seemingly alone. Motherhood is tough as it is. Nobody should have to go through it alone. You have support here and friends who are willing to listen. It sounds like you just have to cut your losses with him, and maybe get the law involved, so that he will at least support them financially, though I know that is not always enough.
I just want to add to what everyone else has posted, it's true you can't make someone do something they don't want to. But you know what really helps, your friends and family, you are never alone hun, just try and have an open mind, remember that this baby needs at least one good parent to survive, and that's going to have to be you. So pull your girlfriends together and get as many family members together as you can and just enjoy your pregnancy! Make it the best you can!! :) I hope all works out for you, you have all of us here if you ever need to talk. We're all here for you!! :D
I'm so sorry to hear you are having to deal with that. It sounds like he isn't able to give you what you need and that the two of you are on completely different pages in your lives. It's really better for you and for the kids to allow him to offer financial support and let him go. It isn't fair to anyone to force a situation he isn't prepared to handle. :hugs
Hi Olivia,
I would suggest trying not to talk to him for a while and give him time to miss you a bit as well as to realize how much he cares about you and your family. You are absolutely right not to pressure him as this will make things a lot worse for the both of you. If he loves you he'll help in any way possible with both babies. If not, it's better to find out sooner rather than later and move on as soon as possible. If he's not ready, even if he moves in with you he'll eventually move out and that can mess up your children as well. They feel a lot more than we think and sometimes it's best to think about their interests even if in the long run we hurt... I come from a broken home but my mom made a decision (right one too) not to stay with my dad because he was a womanizer and not ready for a committed relationship and at least I was not a witness to any horrible fights and to tell you the truth even though my father stayed in my life for a little bit (he visited us a couple of times a year) and I did blame my mom when I was little for the fact that he's not with us, eventually I was extremely greatful that things turned out the way they did...
Good luck with everything. My story might be a lot different than yours so don't think that I'm asking you to leave him but I am asking that the both of you figure out what you want and need to do for the sake of the children as again, they understand a lot more than we think... And again, I would suggest stopping communicating with your man for a while to make him understand how much he loves you and that his place is by your side. Sometime man are not very bright when it comes to realizing that what they have is exactly what they want and need to be happy as they're scared of the extra responsibility.
Good luck again!!!
Kat
i totally get where your coming from and i can tell by the emotion in that post that you really have feelings for him..so im not the unrealistic kind of person to tell you..."oh your better than that, just leave him and give up" because thats never what we want to hear! i say every man is different and the best thing is to just do what you are doing! be absent in his world and he will see that you arent going to "crawl" back i think if you keep going the way you are going...everything will turn out perfect! and if im wrong..OK..then everyone else would be right and he isnt worth your time! and i think if he wants to see different people..i think its just to see if you will see different guys as well!!
I deff understand whats going on. Sounds to me as if he wants his cake and eat it to if you know what i mean. I had a boyfriend do this to me before to he never broke up with me tho he said he need a break . Then would not answer my calls we did not have children but he would not talk to me then the next day be all nice and talk to me i then found out he did this so i would only want and be with him because he had also been seeing a nother girl but i worked and only came around at night time when he would speed time with her at work and when i was at work so thats why he did not answer my calls cause he was with her. So i think he wanted to keep me hanging on just in case things with that girl did not work out but i finally saw how he was using me and it was very hard but i went on with my life. I wish you the best of luck and think if you just talk to him when you need to about your daughter then maybe he will start to come around absents makes the heart grow fonder for sure good luck hun